Something's different now

Finally Christmas means something to me, because of you. ♥

My beloved love. Muahh~

Our Christmas rings. :)

Love the red dress you bought me! Hee~~

Cheers!

Year 2 Sem 2 Aftermath

Oh well. My most hectic semester is finally over. There are way to much to talk about this semester. In fact, these 3 months make me felt like a year.

Education wise, I have to say I really had learned a lot of stuff in this semester. These guest lecturers are no jokers. They torture students like they don't feel a pain for us at all. They see us stress out, they see us clueless. Yet, they will just stand at a side, watching the students being tortured. If you're looking at this at the negative side, you would say they are crazy, insane, etc. But if we seriously think at the bright side, or even compare the present and the past, damn! So much of difference. I would say I finally know where's my limit. I discovered many potentiality in myself that I have never ever thought of. I got to see the real and fake faces. And I forced myself to put in as much knowledge as possible at the shortest time. It was a challenge. But whether I managed to make it through successfully is another thing. Haha. Yeah. I am indirectly trying to tell you guys, I'm finally defeated. I didn't do well in many subjects. I failed to execute my ideas. But so what? That's not the end of the world. I will still go on with my never-die spirit AKA my kiasu spirit in the coming semester, trying my best to achieve my goal.

Arh.. That's all I wanna talk about here la. Want more information? Please msn me and ajak me out okay.. I damn bloody sien at home now. ==

I will be back soon

I am having a tough battle right now. Still surviving!

Will be back in a week or two time. :D

When I start to question myself

One said, success is 99% of perspiration + 1% of luck.

I say, success is 50% of perspiration + 50% of luck.

I would like to put myself as the main subject of this post. No "you", no "we", no "they". Just "I".

I think I had tried my best to manage my time. Best as in BEST!! I tried to balance up the time to do the assignments for EVERY SINGLE subject. I even cut down the time to sleep as more time is spent on experimenting and researching. Yet, sometimes, plans and hard works don't promise a good payback.

I saw people that scored way better than me even though the effort we put on the assignment might be about the same. All I can do is to tell myself, well, well,... maybe, I just don't have the talent. But hey! Come to think of it. I am just a beginner. It's okay to fail for as long as I know what's the mistake I've done. But,.. even though I know what the mistake is, so what? Like as if I know what I should do to correct the mistake. But, but,... (there's always a but) at least, I know what's the mistake I should avoid in future. But, but, but,... this process is way too time consuming. Lee Joe Jian ini orang sangat busy. Cannot afford to fail at this period. (this is the main point)

So, what should I do now? Duh.. I've spent 3 hours and 17 minutes in questioning myself what should I do? what should I do? Now, I shall move on to my next assignment and bury the doubts in hell. Gambateh Lee Joe Jian!!!

Gambateh my dear TOA friends. Let's not let this semester challenge us. But instead, let us work hard to challenge the semester. Hiakkk!!

Everyone is feeling sorry

It's seriously bad for our college putting us in this situation. This has definitely nothing to do with bad time management. We had been working hard for non-stop. We don't even have sufficient time to rest. Is this what it's supposed to be? Designers don't have to care about their health??? This is rubbish la! TOA must really examine again the way they sort the subjects out.

Lastly, why must we even feel sorry to our health? It's TOA that should be feeling sorry about it. We have tried our best. That's all we can do.

Hello TOA

Hello TOA!

You mau kita semua mati si kiao kiao??

Saya teramat sangat tired.

Tiap-tiap hari rush rush rush. Tak boleh rest.

Tidur also mimpi assignment. Mimpi tu sangat scary.

Saya mau cabut lari, lari, lari.

Sayang, the departure

I love to rest my head on your shoulder. It makes me feel safe, it makes me like heaven.

And soon, we will be apart from a distance of sea. I will be missing you all the time and anticipating for your return. ♥

Phobophobia

Fear of having phobia. That's me. It seems to be a daily thing to remind myself that I should get rid of whatever fear I have because I don't wanna be feared by anything. And yet, the negative consequence is that I became even more fearful of everything. It terrifies me, the fact that I couldn't calm myself down. So serious that I have to keep praying "namo amitabha" to fall asleep, to make myself forget about the anxieties and stress. Even if I managed to fall asleep, in my dream, it's always the things that I am feared of appeared in my dreams. The fear of being punished, being nagged, being scolded, lost of someone/something important, unable to complete my assignments, being harassed, as so on so forth.

Ok. I think I need some therapies. :/

Whenever I start to miss you

Endorphin deficiency. The state I am in when you're not around.

I have to calm down myself by recalling all the things that you've done for me like how you always try your best to meet up with me, how you tolerate me, how you understand about my curfew, how you always talk to me every single night, how you love me,..... Yes. It's all the love that you've given me that makes me feel safe and calm, like nothing else can make me feel bad when you're around.

Thanks, love. I love you. I always do. ♥

Fear

This semester started with so many scary stuff. I can foresee how dead I will be in the coming weeks already. Zz.. So far, the subjects are very interesting. But I somehow can feel that I might not have enough time to do the best for all. *sigh* Why do they have to put so many challenging subjects in one semester? Are we even half a robot?

Dreamer Camera Strap Giveaway

mycakies is giving out this dreamer strap to the lucky winners!! Click here to join!!

相依为命

有妳在身旁

流浪街头也无所谓。

暖暖

暖暖的黄昏

心酸

依然是您，是您。

Featured in The One Academy News Archive

Click here to view!

:D

You

Never in my life I'd felt this pain before. It's like thorns poking my heart for millions of times and yet, I have no strength to stop them from hurting me.

My heart ached. It still aches now. Tears did not behave well. They came streaming down my face on and on until my pillow was wet. Even when I woke up this morning, it was still so painful for me to live a normal life again. The damage is done. And all I can do now is wait, wait for the wound to heal by its own.

Still, I can't help but to ask; why do you have to put me through this?

.........

3rd Monthsary

Yesterday, was supposed to be another darn boring day. Since morning, I had been watching dramas; two episodes of Korean drama- Personal Taste, one episode of How I Met Your Mother, and one episode of PS Man. Aiya.. What else I can do right?

By 5 something, I went and played my piano after not touching it for so so long. Suddenly, my love rang me up. I thought he just wanted to talk to me or what. But then, he sounded so suspicious. Hehe. Finally, he told me that he was going to come. I was so excited that I didn't even think of anything else, but him. And, I seriously thought he forgot about our 3rd monthsary as he acted being forgetful just too well. Uhh!

After everything was "clear", he drove to the front of my house. I opened the car door and was shocked by the bouquet of roses. Haha! Can't believe my love is such a romantic person. I love you so much, my dearest sayang! How sweet of him for preparing such a big surprise for me! ♥

Addressed to Ms. Lee Joe Jian. :D

Sayang-menyayangi.. Hehe!

♥

I love the white roses. He said, it means innocent love. :)

Innocent roses for innocent me?? LOL! *shiok sendiri*

Relive my business!

Hello guys! Don't forget to click on my small little handmade business on the right side of my page. ^^

Thanks.. What a shame

Finally, my mom gave me money to buy my Nikon D90 DSLR.

The money didn't come easy. I knew. She worked hard in the past few months to earn the money for me to get it. Every piece of note paid for this camera aches my heart. I feel so ashamed of myself. To get me something that I need for my course, I had to put so much burden on my parents. My dream is accomplished because, because and because of my parents. Paying that darn bloody expensive fees, paying that darn expensive camera, giving me extra ++ allowance just because of the shopping temptation in me in the past few months and my carelessness of losing my own wallet last week*,.... those are definitely not the reason I am born in this world.

*I overspent until I spent all my own savings.. Besides, because of my carelessness, my wallet was stolen/lost/dunno what dunno what. Money flies here and there. I was so darn broke. But, because, because and because of my considerate mom who gave me ++ allowance, my financial problem is settled...... I feel so malu now. Why do they have to be responsible on my irresponsibility? This sucks! I sucks!

*ROAR*

I prohibit myself from getting ANY clothes in these few months.

I prohibit myself from eating too much of expensive food (like as if I am born in a DARN BLOODY RICH family).

I prohibit myself from having Starbucks more than once in a week.

YES! I am saying this for real. Slap myself if I break any of these.

The Queen and the Soldier

The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door
He said, "I am not fighting for you any more"
The queen knew she'd seen his face someplace before
And slowly she let him inside.

He said, "I've watched your palace up here on the hill
And I've wondered who's the woman for whom we all kill
But I am leaving tomorrow and you can do what you will
Only first I am asking you why."

Down in the long narrow hall he was led
Into her rooms with her tapestries red
And she never once took the crown from her head
She asked him there to sit down.

He said, "I see you now, and you are so very young
But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won
And I've got this intuition, says it's all for your fun
And now will you tell me why?"

The young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye
She said, "You won't understand, and you may as well not try"
But her face was a child's, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.

And she said, "I've swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I've bled"
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.

"Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won't march again on your battlefield"
And he took her to the window to see.

And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.

And he said, "I want to live as an honest man
To get all I deserve and to give all I can
And to love a young woman who I don't understand
Your highness, your ways are very strange."

But the crown, it had fallen, and she thought she would break
And she stood there, ashamed of the way her heart ached
She took him to the doorstep and she asked him to wait
She would only be a moment inside.

Out in the distance her order was heard
And the soldier was killed, still waiting for her word
And while the queen went on strangeling in the solitude she preferred
The battle continued on

Another tough week

*sigh*

This week has been such a tiring one. Not that the assignment load is that heavy. But, I guess it's the domino effect of the previous week's late sleep and stress. Besides, I haven't been feeling good physically, mentally and psychologically for many days already. My body was weak. My mind was tired. And,... uhh.. Many things happened in between. I hate the feeling so much that I pray hard that this will not happen again in future. There's even a second that I thought of ending my life. This is freaking myself out. I don't wanna live in depression anymore. :((

Despite the good progress of my assignments and finals, I still feel emotional and sad. What the hell is wrong with me? *sigh* I feel so conflicted right now. It's like there's many many little things that are arguing in between themselves in my brain right now. The noise is so loud that I felt so deaf and annoyed. I wished I could just press (#) and silent them like how I silent my phone. Is that even possible? *sigh**sigh*

I need Miss Sunshine..Where's Miss Sunshine?? I wish I can find her back. I need her in my life. I don't wanna fake a smile anymore like what I have been doing these days. :'(

Tough but worthy moments

Uh oh.. Everything is abandoned because of my hectic Year 2 Semester 1. I am currently in the state of fatigue and it's terrifying me. I hate the life I am living now. Things seemed not right. My room is always messy. I have no mood to clear things up. I have no time to chat with my friends.

Uhh.. Well, well.. I guess this is life. If you always stay in our comfortable zone, we will never improve, we will never know what's our limit. In the past few days, I experienced exhaustion to the limit, fell asleep beside the laptop and woke up in the morning in fear, produced work of good quality in the shortest time and participated the Antalis Paper Fantasy tree sculpture exhibition despite The One Academy's heavy workload. I am glad that I managed to go through the tough moments. I shall not be fear of what's coming next. :S

Okay. Here are some photos.

Weee... My dearest love and I in The Secret Garden, One Utama.

My tanned love(lol) and my another love, my tree sculpture. ♥

Here's a group picture of me and my groupmates ,Kwee Shen and Jason.

Happy working with you guys. :D

Love,

Sunshine

Emo shit

Hello people. Here I am again. It had been a while since I last updated about myself. Now that I realized it wasn't because I have nothing to talk about. It's just... me, escaping from the feelings that I felt. Maybe, I had been deceiving myself a lot in the past few weeks.

I had no idea why. No idea why I feel so conflicted now. The anger, the anxiety and the insecurity crept into my mind and haunted me for so many hours. Breathless. That's what I felt. I needed to talk to someone so badly, yet, I didn't seek for anyone. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. I spoke nothing. The emotional turmoil had overwhelmed me way too much. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I kept telling myself to hold them back.

I hate this feeling. Everyone hates this feeling! Damn this effing world!! Why do human have to suffer in this way?!?

Yes, I am so in love ♥

I noticed that something is different.

-

-

-

-

-

I used to sleep in fear, but not anymore for now.

I used to get mad at people easily, but now not anymore for now.

I used to give myself a lot of stress until I could burst into tears as long I want, but not anymore for now.

I used to be overwhelmed by anxieties, but not anymore for now.

I became a calm, organized and relaxed person. But most importantly, I became a cheerful person.

Was it because of you?

Was it because of you?

Assignments are to be accomplished, like usual. Classes are to be attended, like usual. But,... I felt happier in the class. I felt so relaxed when I was doing my assignments. Not to say zero stress. Of course I felt the stress. But definitely can't be compared with the stress level that I used to have in the previous semesters.

Hm... It must be you. It surely is. :)

You brighten my days with your ridiculous jokes.

You ease my stress by listening to my complaints(all the time). Lol.

You spoil me by bringing me to restaurants that serve real good food.

etc.etc. (Shhh... cannot list out too many of them. :P)

I love you, KC.

Best buddies

Ahh.. Introducing my best buddy ever, K.C.!!

♥

Life is... unfair (Yes, yes. Everyone knows that)

*roar*

This is a so-damn-freaking-boring topic. And yet, I still wanna bring this topic up again. Recently, I could feel that I am like those hardworking nerds who study and spend lotsa time on studies but end up being jealous of those less hardworking ones who can strive for excellence, so easily, so so easily. Like as if they are granted with the magic hand or what so ever. (Just like what we always see from the drama. The cool hero is usually the one that selamba and relax saja. And yet, they are so "geng" ones. That's how the hero draws attention of the girls and at the same time, creates the intense jealousy in other guys' eye. But now, I am not the girl. I am the guy. I am so bloody jealous.) Being envious is good. Being jealous is.... not good. Not at all. So, I am gonna stop myself from being jealous now. Yes, I am gonna stop it. Now. =)

Since I am not granted with the talent, I shall just shuddap and work harder, and harder and harder. Right?

Tuesday without you

Tuesday without KC:

boring

tedious

blue

moody

sleepy

*roar*

Could be one of the sweetest memories

...and then I held your arm like it was a pillow.

♥

I love you, KC.

Love,

Sunshine

A day of sleepiness, headache and ... love.

Hello Saturday! I love Saturdays because it's the day I can see my love for a longer time. So today, we went to Ikea> The Curve> e@Curve>One Utama. Mm.. So tiring, yet satisfying, except that we couldn't find The Secret Garden in One Utama which is located at the upper roof. No wonder it is called The Secret Garden. Hm.. And I hate the fact that I wasn't feeling well. My head started to ache in the afternoon. I don't know why. Not sure if it's the sleepiness that have caused it.

Mm.. One of the plans for today was... to take more photos.

"Take photographs, have fun, have fun."

In the "rainforest" :D

I love this picture so so much.

Lunch in Italiannies. Yummy Parmesan crusted fish and vegetable soup.

Us, in Ikea. :)

Time to spoil my love with ice-creams... :D

In Auntie Juliet's.

So handsome lah.. *drools*

[In Ikea]

KC: (Reading the words on the chalkboard) Daddy, I love you. Mommy, I love you. Aww..

JJ: Should add one more line. KC, I love you. ♥

Love,

Sunshine

Us

This is not exactly the first time we took photos together. The first was the first time we met, during a photoshoot. The memory is still so vivid in my mind; how I noticed you, how we started talking, and how I left the house we had our photoshoot, thinking that, "Nah..It's impossible." But hey, the present proves my thoughts wrong. It's possible! *smack myself*

I didn't see it coming at all. You and I. You are probably the biggest surprise in my life. More surprising than the excellent results that I have scored in the past. More surprising than winning a lucky draw. I love you, and will always love you. *hugs*

------

Evening in the park. =)

So cute lahh.... *pinches your cheek*

♥

Love,

Sunshine

500 Days of Summer, You and I

If it weren't because of you, I will like the movie very much.

But it IS because of you. That's why I don't like the movie. Instead, I am deeply in love with the movie.

p/s: Love it so much until I printed so many pictures of the movie to sketch. :P

Love,

Sunshine

When we were looking at the same rainbow at the same time at the same place

The perfect goodbye.

Love,

Sunshine

Letter II

Nando's

Kinokuniya Bookstore

New Zealand Natural Ice-cream

Isetan

Parkson

Rock Corner

KLCC park

and...

rainbow!!!

♥

Love,

Sunshine

♥

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

-A Walk To Remember-

Love,

Sunshine

Hello first week in TOA

Hello hello! College has just started for a week.

How am I feeling?

Nothing.

Yeah. I guess I am already used to the idea of having a lot of assignments and projects. As all these are already in my anticipation, I don't feel a thing about the assignments. This can be either good or bad. Good thing is that I don't hate assignments. Bad thing is that I don't like them either. So, this simply indicates that I have somehow lost the passion, a bit. Urgh.. I start to care less about the things happening around me. I wanna be solo all the time (bad idea). *sigh* I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.

One thing I know for sure is that I woke up every morning, with a sweet smile on my face. I keep rolling on my bed because I feel so cosy in the blanket. And, I sleep with a smile on my face too. I haven't ever felt like this in my life. I have never loved sleeping until recently! :D This is crazy. Ahh.. I am crazy!!

It's almost 12 already. But I wanna watch A Walk To Remember tonight!!!!! :P I don't wanna live in regret when my assignments start to pile up to my nose. I shall watch as many movies as I want now, since I am still kinda free. Heehee..

Chaos.

Love,

Sunshine

7 things I dislike most, so far.

#1 Bookstores without seats

I need to read the book before I buy the book!! (You can still read when you stand wert??) No! I have to sit when I read. :]

#2 Waiting for someone for more than 15 minutes.

5th minute- I am bored.

10th minute- I am tired.

15th minute- I am impatient.

>15th minute- I am SO-GONNA-SCREW-YOU-UP! But, everyone knows I won't. =)

#3 Disturbance at night

I dislike it when neighbours who live behind my house watching TV at night.

I dislike it when my sister comes in and out of my room at night.

I dislike it when my mom calls me to do some stuff when I am in my room at night. I dislike sms-ing at night. (It's a different story when it's midnight. I love sms-ing when it's late night. =P)

#4 Crowd

Crowd is a word to define you-are-so-gonna-sweat-in-there. It limits movements. It limits time. Ughh.. I anti-crowd!!

#5 Plagiarist

Plagiarists shuckss!!

#6 Make-ups

I don't believe make-ups will make someone beautiful eternally. But, there are times that make-ups are kinda necessary. So, I will just say, I dislike putting make-ups, unless there's a need doing so.

#7 Seeing friends emo

Friends emo, saya emo. Bila saya emo, saya apa-apa pun tak boleh buat. Saya hanya mahu jadi orang gila dan menjerit-jerit!! *monkey*

*Haha.. Just for fun! :P

Love,

Sunshine

Letter I

You have put me through more drama. Yes, you have. But it was an awesome drama. A drama that I have been longing for. For the first time after the many years, the feeling is mutual. Thanks♥.

Love,

Sunshine

Sasa♥

It was Monday. It was my shopping day. When I was taking an escalator to one floor higher, I saw a kitten on the other side of the escalator. Lost kitten. I took a few seconds, hesitating whether I should bother about the kitten or not. Ahhhh... I have to! I immediately made a U-turn by taking the escalator to the floor where I was previously. I followed the kitten. I saw how people ignored the kitten. Awww!! Pity kitten. Then, this kitten entered a men's underwear shop. That was the time I made a call to a friend of mine who loves cats a lot, more than I do. While waiting for the friend's arrival, I waited outside the shop, observing how would the shopkeeper deal with the kitten. I saw his annoyed face. Ugly, I would say. If I have the guts, I would enter the shop, and smack that shopkeeper's face. I waited and waited. To my surprise, that shopkeeper put that kitten in a shopping bag, and threw it in an exit path. DAMN YOU!!! I looked at the shopkeeper with my eye balls almost popped out and my jaw dropped open. Without thinking much, I entered the exit path and accompanied the kitten until my friend arrived. And,.... yeah! So, this is our cat- Sasa! Weee.....

[She had her front legs both injured yesterday. No one knows why. Silly Sasa must have jumped and fell when no one was around. Sasa, oh, Sasa.. Get well soon yeah!! *love*]

Another drama of my life. ♥

Love,

Sunshine

Too Much

I probably had gone too far.

Being too nice, being too generous, being too helpful,...... I probably have done all those in a high dose with no self-realization. Now, all these lead me to a horror movie. I never liked horror movies. Disgusting, fearful, and most likely to lead me to insomnia are the definition to horror movies. And now, in am in the movie. To my most dislikement, I am the leading actress in this movie. I feel scared, worried and directionless. I haven't noticed all these while I have been doing things unintentionally which mislead people to something else. *sigh* I feel like escaping now, to somewhere else that no one knows me, and start something new. It's so hard to change when I am already in the situation where people have given me labels. It's like, you are given a label "cat". It's so hard to act like a dog then. UGHHH!! Freaking frustrated!!

Ip Man 2 [and critics on Iron Man 2]

[If you don't watch this, you are so uncool!]

If I were to use one word to comment about Ip Man 2, it would be stupid because it is way too good that you seriously gotta do a lot of thinking after watching it.

Needless to say, Ip Man's Wing Chun Kung Fu is awesome! It's so much more practical than all those technologies that you see from Transformers and Iron Man. You see real kung fus in Ip Man. But you see a lot more distractions like sexy ladies which didn't relate much to the movie in Transformers and Iron Man. Well, I still have to say I love Scarlett Johansson's character in Iron Man. But Megan Fox in Transformers? Er.... *scratch head* By the way, how come Ivan Vanko, that fella who hated Iron Man so much died so easily? Anyway, did you even get to see how he died?? You only see a building, with a big white spark. Next scene, Ivan Vanko is almost dead. I got my eyes popped out when I saw that. Compare this to Hung Si Fu's battle with Twister. Omg! You can see how hard is it for a hero to die. Well, Ivan Vanko is not a hero, but he should be good enough for a better battle with Iron Man, I thought. Hm...

Besides that, do you get the "OOHM" to choke Twister to death when you see him punching and hitting Hung Si Fu and Ip Man? Damn! At the moment Twister punched on their faces, I have the urge to take the parang dao and split him into two pieces like splitting a big watermelon into two. How come this kind of urge doesn't exist when I watched Iron Man? I don't even feel Iron Man looks exactly like a hero in this sequel. He was drunk. He was out of his sane. Hero? Hm.. I don't know. Not that a hero cannot act like this. But I somehow feel there's a need to maintain a hero values to the audiences. See, people paid watch these kind of hero movies with the expectations to see someone heroic. So, if you were to show something that is opposing what the audiences want, ..... hm? Probably not so cool right? On the other hand, both Ip Man and Hung Si Fu had showed heroic values. Not just heroic values! They managed to impress us with human values. Arghh!! This is bloody cool I tell you. There're so many moral values we can learned from a single movie like this. Isn't this what we call superhero? Okay. We know Ip Man cannot fly like Superman, cannot transform like Transformers, cannot innovate like Iron Man, cannot drive super yao yeng car like Batman,... but, trust me. Ip Man definitely has better stamina than them because he doesn't depend on technologies. Instead, he makes full use of his whole body to be a superhero. Yay! So I honour him a 7-starred batch (literally). :P

After doing all the talking, now it's fair to comment Ip Man 2 with one word.

ONE WORD:

COOL!

=P

Love,

Sunshine

A will, possible?

There's a thought in my mind, all the time.

I wish to write a will, not when I am old, but now. (Okay. I had been procrastinating that "now" until now and I still hadn't written any. It really takes a lot of time to think about what to write because it's the one and only chance for you to "talk" to the people you want to talk to when you are already dead.)

If I am granted the talent to write and time for isolation, I will write about a story about my life. And this book will be my will for my parents, if only I died earlier than them. They definitely deserve to know more about me and I deserve their understandings as I am their daughter.

What are the things I like, what are the things I dislike, what am I allergic to, who are my friends, who are my favourite teachers and lecturers, who were my exes, where have I been to, what was in my mind when they said something good or bad, ....... I want them to know so badly because I love them so much. I love them, that's why I am willing to wait. I am waiting for the day they finally understand how I feel and tell me, "Girl, I love you." (How nice if this could happen before any of us die.) Some of you must be saying, "CHOI! Why does Joe Jian keep talking about death?" My answer is, there's nothing to be fear about death. One withers, another grows. This is the cycle. And all the cycles make sense; the eco-cycle, the water cycle, and also the bicycle. =D

More update about Ip Man 2 and blah blah blah in the coming post. =)

Of ambivalence

Here's the lock.

But where's the key?

......

It's always like this. People would hint me something, but refuse to let me know the answer. And the reason is always "it's not something that you wanna hear".

I was angry.

Then I'd l start questioning, because I was curious. But the person would go on insisting that I shouldn't know.

I was confused.

As confused as I am, I'd keep saying things to make the person tell me what it was. But, the person said why do I have to push so hard?

I felt guilty.

Absolutely depressed.

And, blank.

......

......

......

......

......

What?

I don't really like to share about my feelings in my blog. This blog is more like a site for me to keep my friends up to date about what I am doing. Mostly are the highlighted ones. But today, I wanna write something, something that's gonna do with my feelings right now.

I knew how much people had put expectation on me. Friends, lecturers, sisters, and.. parents? Frankly speaking, I don't know about parents. When I was calm, I always knew they didn't mean to doubt me. I continued "persuading" myself that their harshness is just their effort to make me a tough person. But, when they really started doubting me, I started to lose my sane and broke down most of the time. I thought I did well enough to make them feel proud of me. In everyone's eyes, I am good! Or maybe better than good. But what are my parents thinking? Haven't I had enough of their screams, shouts, pressures and doubts? I already showed proof. I scored well in all my examinations. And now I start to doubt, whether I am doing all this for myself or just to prove to you that I am good. I am not born to be good. I knew I've tried my best. I knew how hard I have tried. I tried, and tried, and tried. And don't I deserve something better than doubts?

So used to be the one at the top, and that's why it's even harder for me to fall. Stop thinking that superman and superwoman have no feeling. When we break down, the pain we are feeling is just the same as the pain everyone is feeling when they are down.

Love,

Sunshine

I questioned like an interviewer and he answered like the worst interviewee in this world.

Chalk drawing [sucks]

Well, well. I haven't been updating my dusty blog for quite some time already. Finally, I have something to talk about! Yay, yay!!

Last Sunday, I went to help my cousin out with the menu board(which is her cabinet as you can see) in her coffee house-Cafelicious which is located at Aman Suria. Hrm... I must have overestimated myself. I thought chalk drawing is an easy peasy job. Yes, I thoughttttt.... It really wasn't as easy as I thought. *bang head* Imagine I had my face so close to the surface I was drawing, and things I had to worry are as below:

1. Chalk dust is flying in the air! Yes, WATCH OUT! You're so gonna to inhale it!!

2. Wait! Didn't I just write a tiny E? How come it still looks big? *bangs head*

3. Caffe Latte, Mochalicious, Caramel Caffe Latte,......

Cousin: Hey, I forgot to tell you something. I changed the "caffe" to "cafe".

Me: *blank stare*

It's obvious, I didn't draw all of them. The first three columns are mine. The last two are my sister's. I just realized we somehow got our personalities switched. I used to be the one drawing cute stuff, and she used to be the one drawing something more realistic. But how come it's the vice versa now? Uhh.. I don't know.

By the way, college is gonna start soon. Soon soon soon.

*smacks head*

Love,

Sunshine

Short compilation

So far, these are the things that I have done throughout my holiday:

○Became the maid+chef of my house. My mom went to work for a month. And so, everything was all on me! "Awesome"!!

○Met many people that had the power to change my life so much.

○Participated in a shoe painting competition and managed to win the first prize. And... was lucky enough to appear in the newspaper.

○Relocated my blog!

○Had a one-day trip to Genting Highland with college mates- Yee Ping, Soon Lim and Wei Ting.

○Went to Petaling Street for several times to buy textiles and buttons.

○Celebrated Wen Kang's birthday.

○Went to Broga Hill.

○Deeply fell in love with Cheer. ♥

○Met up with high schoolmates and tuition buddy like Sin Dee, Linda, Jo Lin, Mei Shen, Audrey, Teressa, and Daniel.

○Watched Date Night, Kick-Ass, and Ice Kacang Puppy Love.

○Started my small business- Dim Dim's Handmade.

○Blacklisted someone. *YEAH*

○Downloaded more than 100 songs to listen! *still not enough*

○Played piano for many friends, important ones. =)

○Did none of my assignments. *jumping in the air*! ==

Water From the Moon by Celine Dion

I've reached high up in the sky
Tryin' to steal the stars
Oh to win your heart
But even that's not enough
And I've searched every book I know
Just to find the words
Oh to touch your world and get some love out of you
I've already given all I can give
And I don't know what's left to try
And I try and I try
What do I gotta do

Love,

Sunshine

When Sunshine Met Broga

Can I say it again? Life is so unpredictable. I have never thought that I will have a chance to climb up to a hill this year. In fact, hiking wasn't something that I will think of even if I was dying for a getaway. This explains why my parents were a bit suspicious and dubious when I said I wanted to go for a hiking session out of a sudden.

So, this hiking spot which is located on the border of Negeri Sembilan and Selangor is named Broga. This place is getting more and more famous in the recent years (there are still many people in our country who loves adventuring the nature okay). I reached the foot of the hill at 6.45 am. Yes, I know I am hell early!! I left home at 5.30 am just for the sake of reaching Broga earlier. My friend and I were very eager to reach the peak and therefore, we didn't take much time on resting in between. We managed to reached the first peak by 7.15 am. Yes, I know I am hell fast!! Lol. By that time, I already could feel the strong contractions in my calf muscles. I must have gone through a tough journey, that's what I thought. Haha!

I spent an hour and a half up there. You must be wondering what the hell can you do at the peak with only grasses and stones. Oh man! You will be so stunned if you see what I saw and hear what I heard. Once my right foot stepped on the flat surface on the peak, I could feel a cool spring breeze caressing my skins. Close your eyes! That's what my brain told me. Damn! It's not just about the sense of touch. Once I closed my eyes, I could hear the whistle of the wind, which sounded nearly like a haunting melody. When it was about 7.45 am, the morning was aflame with the glorious sunrise. The sun spread its ray through the clouds, creating an overwhelming vista. Surrounding the sun was the sky which always had these little fluffy clouds in them. I lied on my back on one of the big rocks, admiring the powerful force of nature. At that moment, I have totally forgotten about my sleepless night, my tiresome, the slippery slope, and what else.. Ughh! There's just nothing that could bother me from watching the beautiful sky. ♥

One of the important things that everyone should do if they go to anywhere with beautiful scenery is to take photos! If you ignore this, you are so going to regret! Here are part of the photos that I managed to shot up there.

Aww.. He is such a loner.

Sunshine, sunshine! =D

This is taken from a temple which is located nearby the hill. (You have no chances to see any staircase in the hill)

In conclusion, I had a very satisfying trip today and I am gonna dream about the magnificent blue sky tonight. =P

Love,

Sunshine