Define yourself

昨天看了一篇文章。说着，不用为自己的成功而感到愧疚。杀那间，脑袋里出现身边的很多人，还有自己。常常因为在某些地方，发挥的比人好，而感到paise。其实真的很不酷～ 为何要感到愧疚？成功是努力而来的。辛辛苦苦努力出来的成果，成功是应该的。如果没有成功，也ok。反正人活着，只要努力，一定会有出头天。

除此之外，失败的人也不应该讨厌成功的人。妈的，成功人又没有得罪你。就因为人家考得比你好，有钱过你，长得比你漂亮，就得变成你讨厌的对象。西北幼稚。 看不下去人家成功，你就得多加把力咯。

而很努力很努力又一直失败的人，不要看到比你厉害的人而感到害怕。真正的努力不是避开厉害的人来忘记自己的弱点，而是更加接近厉害的人，从他们身上学习。尤其是在读书的时候，跟老师讨教是应该的。（反正都给了学费。就够够力的用尽它吧～）即使被老师／朋友嘲笑，it's okay。笑就笑。有学到东西就好了。好比自己躲在房里，懊恼下一步该怎么走。

在这个社会中，若要过得快乐，就要学会了解自己。突破自己的弱点，加强自己的优点，要往前爬，时不时也要往后看，看看自己进步了多少。

Define yourself.

p/s: 近期一直在想办法改造型。会是一个很漫长的evolution。

untitled

I am not a good lover. I never admitted that I am one. The fact is that, I wasn't born to be one.

I was so much a heartbreaker even since I had an inexplicable first love, like what most people had. I know it's a bad idea to put the blame on that one relationship. But the start is always the one that took the most emotions and left the deepest cut.

Since then, I had always been lost in love. Of course I am not too dumb to realize that at most time, I am the one who broke the other's heart. Somehow, I don't find myself wrong to be so honest to them because I was honest to myself. I can't live in a life that doesn't belong to me.

Speaking about freedom, I'd always lived under my parents' supervision. Food I eat, clothes I wear, the language I speak, and even, my hobby, has to be approved by them. It weren't that bad you see. Everything was guaranteed. I never got to know bad friends as I barely even mixed with people out of my school/tuition/college. Cons, I don't really know the right way to communicate. Worst is, I've no guts to face the world on my own due to over-dependence on family.

Back to the topic, as I lived under such conditions, I hunger more for freedom. At least, the freedom of thoughts. I don't mind to be the bad one in the relationship. But I really mind if I can't think the way I want it to be. How many more decades I can live in this world, living the way I want it to be? There were too many things that I've missed out during the past two decades. Duh, of course I'm not regretting about not making a change earlier. All I want is to slowly gain my freedom from now on. I have this bad+immoral 'habit' where I care less about how others feel. It's a habit that I want to get rid off. But I don't get to be selfish much when I was at home. I want to feel myself when I am out there even though I know I won't be likable when I do that. But when I was out of home, those selfishnesses drained me up. I couldn't even find a hole to dig into.

There's no conclusion for this. Just some rantings that needed to be spitted out.

Because it has all to do with money

When I was young, I always say happiness first. Money second. Easy to say, but hard to keep the promise.

As we grow up, we see the value of things. Every luxury has everything to do with money.

You buy stuff with money.

You buy time with money.

You buy people's heart with money.

The world is so tough. When you own something better, or possess a higher class, people look at you in a different way. Totally feel it when I just bought my Mac recently. It's like when you buy a Mac, you are of a higher status in the society. That's stereotype. This is the reason why I can't blame people for being so in love with money because with money, you earn adoration or maybe self-esteem. Even though I don't really like the idea of judging someone by something he/she owns, but ironically, that's the fact.

Come to think of it. We neither need an iPad or and iPhone. Many bought it just to gain approval from the society(or just to show off?). To me, it's silly to read from an iPad. People who love reading will understand why. And iPhone, despite the fact that it has the highest radiation level among all the smart phones, people just don't care. Having a status in the society is more important than their health(I think).

Sickening world we are living in. People no more talk with heart. Instead, they talk with money. Gahh~~ That's so lousy.