Of ambivalence

Here's the lock.

But where's the key?

......

It's always like this. People would hint me something, but refuse to let me know the answer. And the reason is always "it's not something that you wanna hear".

I was angry.

Then I'd l start questioning, because I was curious. But the person would go on insisting that I shouldn't know.

I was confused.

As confused as I am, I'd keep saying things to make the person tell me what it was. But, the person said why do I have to push so hard?

I felt guilty.

Absolutely depressed.

And, blank.

......

......

......

......

......

What?

I don't really like to share about my feelings in my blog. This blog is more like a site for me to keep my friends up to date about what I am doing. Mostly are the highlighted ones. But today, I wanna write something, something that's gonna do with my feelings right now.

I knew how much people had put expectation on me. Friends, lecturers, sisters, and.. parents? Frankly speaking, I don't know about parents. When I was calm, I always knew they didn't mean to doubt me. I continued "persuading" myself that their harshness is just their effort to make me a tough person. But, when they really started doubting me, I started to lose my sane and broke down most of the time. I thought I did well enough to make them feel proud of me. In everyone's eyes, I am good! Or maybe better than good. But what are my parents thinking? Haven't I had enough of their screams, shouts, pressures and doubts? I already showed proof. I scored well in all my examinations. And now I start to doubt, whether I am doing all this for myself or just to prove to you that I am good. I am not born to be good. I knew I've tried my best. I knew how hard I have tried. I tried, and tried, and tried. And don't I deserve something better than doubts?

So used to be the one at the top, and that's why it's even harder for me to fall. Stop thinking that superman and superwoman have no feeling. When we break down, the pain we are feeling is just the same as the pain everyone is feeling when they are down.

Love,

Sunshine

I questioned like an interviewer and he answered like the worst interviewee in this world.

Chalk drawing [sucks]

Well, well. I haven't been updating my dusty blog for quite some time already. Finally, I have something to talk about! Yay, yay!!

Last Sunday, I went to help my cousin out with the menu board(which is her cabinet as you can see) in her coffee house-Cafelicious which is located at Aman Suria. Hrm... I must have overestimated myself. I thought chalk drawing is an easy peasy job. Yes, I thoughttttt.... It really wasn't as easy as I thought. *bang head* Imagine I had my face so close to the surface I was drawing, and things I had to worry are as below:

1. Chalk dust is flying in the air! Yes, WATCH OUT! You're so gonna to inhale it!!

2. Wait! Didn't I just write a tiny E? How come it still looks big? *bangs head*

3. Caffe Latte, Mochalicious, Caramel Caffe Latte,......

Cousin: Hey, I forgot to tell you something. I changed the "caffe" to "cafe".

Me: *blank stare*

It's obvious, I didn't draw all of them. The first three columns are mine. The last two are my sister's. I just realized we somehow got our personalities switched. I used to be the one drawing cute stuff, and she used to be the one drawing something more realistic. But how come it's the vice versa now? Uhh.. I don't know.

By the way, college is gonna start soon. Soon soon soon.

*smacks head*

Love,

Sunshine

Short compilation

So far, these are the things that I have done throughout my holiday:

○Became the maid+chef of my house. My mom went to work for a month. And so, everything was all on me! "Awesome"!!

○Met many people that had the power to change my life so much.

○Participated in a shoe painting competition and managed to win the first prize. And... was lucky enough to appear in the newspaper.

○Relocated my blog!

○Had a one-day trip to Genting Highland with college mates- Yee Ping, Soon Lim and Wei Ting.

○Went to Petaling Street for several times to buy textiles and buttons.

○Celebrated Wen Kang's birthday.

○Went to Broga Hill.

○Deeply fell in love with Cheer. ♥

○Met up with high schoolmates and tuition buddy like Sin Dee, Linda, Jo Lin, Mei Shen, Audrey, Teressa, and Daniel.

○Watched Date Night, Kick-Ass, and Ice Kacang Puppy Love.

○Started my small business- Dim Dim's Handmade.

○Blacklisted someone. *YEAH*

○Downloaded more than 100 songs to listen! *still not enough*

○Played piano for many friends, important ones. =)

○Did none of my assignments. *jumping in the air*! ==

Water From the Moon by Celine Dion

I've reached high up in the sky
Tryin' to steal the stars
Oh to win your heart
But even that's not enough
And I've searched every book I know
Just to find the words
Oh to touch your world and get some love out of you
I've already given all I can give
And I don't know what's left to try
And I try and I try
What do I gotta do

Love,

Sunshine

When Sunshine Met Broga

Can I say it again? Life is so unpredictable. I have never thought that I will have a chance to climb up to a hill this year. In fact, hiking wasn't something that I will think of even if I was dying for a getaway. This explains why my parents were a bit suspicious and dubious when I said I wanted to go for a hiking session out of a sudden.

So, this hiking spot which is located on the border of Negeri Sembilan and Selangor is named Broga. This place is getting more and more famous in the recent years (there are still many people in our country who loves adventuring the nature okay). I reached the foot of the hill at 6.45 am. Yes, I know I am hell early!! I left home at 5.30 am just for the sake of reaching Broga earlier. My friend and I were very eager to reach the peak and therefore, we didn't take much time on resting in between. We managed to reached the first peak by 7.15 am. Yes, I know I am hell fast!! Lol. By that time, I already could feel the strong contractions in my calf muscles. I must have gone through a tough journey, that's what I thought. Haha!

I spent an hour and a half up there. You must be wondering what the hell can you do at the peak with only grasses and stones. Oh man! You will be so stunned if you see what I saw and hear what I heard. Once my right foot stepped on the flat surface on the peak, I could feel a cool spring breeze caressing my skins. Close your eyes! That's what my brain told me. Damn! It's not just about the sense of touch. Once I closed my eyes, I could hear the whistle of the wind, which sounded nearly like a haunting melody. When it was about 7.45 am, the morning was aflame with the glorious sunrise. The sun spread its ray through the clouds, creating an overwhelming vista. Surrounding the sun was the sky which always had these little fluffy clouds in them. I lied on my back on one of the big rocks, admiring the powerful force of nature. At that moment, I have totally forgotten about my sleepless night, my tiresome, the slippery slope, and what else.. Ughh! There's just nothing that could bother me from watching the beautiful sky. ♥

One of the important things that everyone should do if they go to anywhere with beautiful scenery is to take photos! If you ignore this, you are so going to regret! Here are part of the photos that I managed to shot up there.

Aww.. He is such a loner.

Sunshine, sunshine! =D

This is taken from a temple which is located nearby the hill. (You have no chances to see any staircase in the hill)

In conclusion, I had a very satisfying trip today and I am gonna dream about the magnificent blue sky tonight. =P

Love,

Sunshine