What?

I don't really like to share about my feelings in my blog. This blog is more like a site for me to keep my friends up to date about what I am doing. Mostly are the highlighted ones. But today, I wanna write something, something that's gonna do with my feelings right now.

I knew how much people had put expectation on me. Friends, lecturers, sisters, and.. parents? Frankly speaking, I don't know about parents. When I was calm, I always knew they didn't mean to doubt me. I continued "persuading" myself that their harshness is just their effort to make me a tough person. But, when they really started doubting me, I started to lose my sane and broke down most of the time. I thought I did well enough to make them feel proud of me. In everyone's eyes, I am good! Or maybe better than good. But what are my parents thinking? Haven't I had enough of their screams, shouts, pressures and doubts? I already showed proof. I scored well in all my examinations. And now I start to doubt, whether I am doing all this for myself or just to prove to you that I am good. I am not born to be good. I knew I've tried my best. I knew how hard I have tried. I tried, and tried, and tried. And don't I deserve something better than doubts?

So used to be the one at the top, and that's why it's even harder for me to fall. Stop thinking that superman and superwoman have no feeling. When we break down, the pain we are feeling is just the same as the pain everyone is feeling when they are down.

Love,

Sunshine