untitled

I am not a good lover. I never admitted that I am one. The fact is that, I wasn't born to be one.

I was so much a heartbreaker even since I had an inexplicable first love, like what most people had. I know it's a bad idea to put the blame on that one relationship. But the start is always the one that took the most emotions and left the deepest cut.

Since then, I had always been lost in love. Of course I am not too dumb to realize that at most time, I am the one who broke the other's heart. Somehow, I don't find myself wrong to be so honest to them because I was honest to myself. I can't live in a life that doesn't belong to me.

Speaking about freedom, I'd always lived under my parents' supervision. Food I eat, clothes I wear, the language I speak, and even, my hobby, has to be approved by them. It weren't that bad you see. Everything was guaranteed. I never got to know bad friends as I barely even mixed with people out of my school/tuition/college. Cons, I don't really know the right way to communicate. Worst is, I've no guts to face the world on my own due to over-dependence on family.

Back to the topic, as I lived under such conditions, I hunger more for freedom. At least, the freedom of thoughts. I don't mind to be the bad one in the relationship. But I really mind if I can't think the way I want it to be. How many more decades I can live in this world, living the way I want it to be? There were too many things that I've missed out during the past two decades. Duh, of course I'm not regretting about not making a change earlier. All I want is to slowly gain my freedom from now on. I have this bad+immoral 'habit' where I care less about how others feel. It's a habit that I want to get rid off. But I don't get to be selfish much when I was at home. I want to feel myself when I am out there even though I know I won't be likable when I do that. But when I was out of home, those selfishnesses drained me up. I couldn't even find a hole to dig into.

There's no conclusion for this. Just some rantings that needed to be spitted out.

Because it has all to do with money

When I was young, I always say happiness first. Money second. Easy to say, but hard to keep the promise.

As we grow up, we see the value of things. Every luxury has everything to do with money.

You buy stuff with money.

You buy time with money.

You buy people's heart with money.

The world is so tough. When you own something better, or possess a higher class, people look at you in a different way. Totally feel it when I just bought my Mac recently. It's like when you buy a Mac, you are of a higher status in the society. That's stereotype. This is the reason why I can't blame people for being so in love with money because with money, you earn adoration or maybe self-esteem. Even though I don't really like the idea of judging someone by something he/she owns, but ironically, that's the fact.

Come to think of it. We neither need an iPad or and iPhone. Many bought it just to gain approval from the society(or just to show off?). To me, it's silly to read from an iPad. People who love reading will understand why. And iPhone, despite the fact that it has the highest radiation level among all the smart phones, people just don't care. Having a status in the society is more important than their health(I think).

Sickening world we are living in. People no more talk with heart. Instead, they talk with money. Gahh~~ That's so lousy.

如果人生如戏

因为暑假的关系，连续看了三部连续剧。

看这些连续剧时都会很迷这些如此梦幻的故事。男主角一定很帅，不然就很厉害，不然就很有钱。女的，或许可爱，或许漂亮，但是好像都不会太聪明。要有点笨笨的，才可爱一些。

啊~连续剧把人生说的太简单了。

人生，怎么就只有那几位好友。

又怎么只有爸爸妈妈的烦恼。（现实中，其实有很多三姑六婆，左邻右舍，亲朋好友，哩哩啦啦）

又怎么会有“真相大白”。

又怎么只有那些用十只手指可以数得完的烦恼~

真正的人生有太多太多的插曲了。

真相太难找得出了。找到的话就真的是奇迹。（看看政治就懂了）

朋友太多。每个的感受都得顾虑。

对电脑的时间多过对任何东西。所以，所有的戏剧都只能在msn或facebook里发生。

说了这么多，其实，我是羡慕连续剧的剧情罢了。

多么简单。

唉~ 重点还是，真相一定会大白的！

为什么我们的现实生活不能简单一些呢。。

隐形的翅膀

一天一天的长大，就会越来越想念中学的时光。

以前，每天都过得很充实。泰拳道和赛跑，曾经是我生命的一部分。

到了大学，紧迫的步伐让我渐渐的失去了自由。有功课时就拼命做。有时间就睡觉，偷懒，休息。真的真的不会想去运动。

好了。读大学都已2年多了。

终于，

终于，

终于，

我受不了了！

每天就只动了几下脚。手也只不过按了数万次的mouse。难道做设计师就只能按mouse过日子吗？（tmd)

今天，终于下定决心，一定一定一定一定要去运动！

我要跑步去！！！！

对！这样就对了！奔跑时不经意的漏出微笑。虽然双脚踩着地，但是感觉就像飞一样。好久没有这么开心了。这种快感是无可代替的~

活在我体内的懒虫，你们通通都等着死掉吧！

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

完毕~

光光想想之。。。晚安的诗意

某天从电台听见这首歌，吓倒我。林宥嘉在选歌方面果然还是一如往常的大胆。

因为是主打，所以电台会一直播，一直播，播到我家人一听就转台。友人还说，听了就想睡觉。都说了是晚安。如果真能让你睡觉，那就代表这首歌，成功了！

在这儿要推介我近来极度喜爱的《晚安》。看看武雄老师如何将晚安写得如此幽美。

有关太阳升起，早安，起床，等等。。首首让人对新的一天抱着positivism 的歌已经变成一种cliche了。是时候来首conclusion-of-the-day 的歌了——晚安。

作词：武雄

天 空白着夜晚

城市一片灯火扰乱

风吹过看不见的天堂

是谁还在忙碌地追赶

晚安让记忆松绑

忘掉所有痛苦悲伤

让所有听不见的呐喊

随着黑夜一起埋葬

月 亮在你心坎

可曾把你的梦点燃

心疼你每一步的成长

擦乾眼泪变得更勇敢

晚安卸下了翅膀

轻轻打开梦里的窗

路尽管依然会有阻挡

让我陪你一起飞翔

梦 想去的地方

因为不变所以简单

爱如果早已经被遗忘

我的歌声不会有伤感

晚安静静地安躺

躺在可以放心的床

夜因为有了梦才宽敞

因为有你所以温暖

-------

光光最爱的一句：

晚安让记忆松绑

忘掉所有痛苦悲伤

光光想想之。。。友人

光光的好友有好几种。

（一）Close Friend

所谓的亲密朋友，通常都是身边的琐碎人物。像是，一定会同组的，一定会同班的，一定会碰面的。因为见面的几率极高，所以就会变得特别亲密。

缺点：因为常常见面，就会导致大家太了解彼此。当你太过了解一个人的时候，常常就会出现一些忍无可忍的时候。

有点：因为常常见面，所以他们都是陪伴你度过无数的难关，无数的快乐时光。回头一望，哇！原来我的回忆都装满了这班人！

（二）Best friend

好朋友。得空出来喝茶。谈心事。谈家事。谈工事。谈，谈，谈。。。什么都谈。可以谈到翻天覆地。哦！这就是我的好朋友。就是什么都不用避忌的谈谈谈！我好爱这班朋友。因为我实在太爱讲话了。叫我不说话，实在是太难为我了。

（三）Soul friend

心灵上的朋友，所来也真神奇。当你难过的不得了的时候，他们会无端端pop出来关心你。很奇怪，但也很温暖。这种朋友就是那些当你跌入谷里，手上还有电话，电话还有电，还收到电讯的时候，还会想到拨通电话求救的那些人了。这些人，可能你一生也碰不到。但是，我碰到了。而且，还不少。*感谢上帝*

什么种类的朋友都无所谓。反正在我生命里都占了很重要的地位。没有你们，我是我么？

*感恩*

如果我变成回忆

如果有哪天，我比我家人更早离开这个世界，我希望他们能够读这篇文章。

献给我至爱的家人，

我要的爱，

不是金钱。

也不是时间。

我要的爱，

是在我最辛苦的时候，拍拍我的肩旁，跟我说“孩子，加油啊！”

我要的爱，

是在我很努力，却考不好的时候告诉我，“努力过就好了！”

我要的爱，

是在我最无助的时候，站在我这儿，帮我一把，挺我到底。再一句，“别怕。我们都在！”

这，就是我要的爱。

我真的有那么贪心吗？

只要一句加油，我就会有无限的力量，继续走下去。

只要一句“你都没努力读书！”， 我就会痛侧心扉。因为，我真的很爱你们。所以也很在意你们对我的看法。

起身，吃饭，上课，放学，赶功课，睡觉；一切一切都是为了梦想前进。虽然老师都说，我们来这儿，都是为了学习，不是为了成绩。但是，你们都抱着期望，希望我能关关都考得优等。所以，无形的压力一直压迫着我。一方想，努力就好了。一方又想，真不希望让你们失望。这种感受，你们又何了解么？

在外面吃多少痛苦，都不够你们对我的否定来的痛苦。你们懂吗？

现在，我也只能够期望你们的醒觉。

感谢老天赐给我力量，继续走下去。

无论如何，我绝不轻生。