烦恼

笑一笑没什么大不了。

话说容易。做的时候很莫名其妙。一个人若是在遇到问题的时候第一个反应竟然是笑，那他真的很不正常了。

烦恼是一种生态。没有烦恼又何来快乐？烦恼反映出一个人对某件事情的关心。那是很自然的。反倒是那些一直笑，一直笑的人，看了还难免看了有点不舒服。

我觉得适当的烦恼真的会让人觉得你顺眼很多呀。

烂掉的梦

常常从别人的嘴里听到“我要去哪里哪里了～”

傻傻以为旅行是那么容易的事。好像要去就能去。

可是现实可多残酷。多次刁难我，阻扰我，总之能让我不能去旅行就对了。

命运是什么？我不懂。我只知道，我一直努力对抗那烂东西。

我很想去台湾。太远。没钱。
我很想去Phuket。太梦幻。算了。
我很想去Bangkok。去不成。因为。。。 某些原因。
我很想很想很想去槟岛。去不成外国就算了。Local比较能实现吧。哪里知道。。。

最后，只去成马六甲。所以，我该说什么？老天真仁慈？

我要一个人去旅行啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！他妈的。现在就去可以吗？为什么那么烦恼？为什么一个人去旅行还要顾虑到他人的感受？为什么需要得到这么多认同才行？我是为谁而活？为什么没有车可以去？为什么我驾车技术烂到像一颗烂苹果酱？为什么我没有钱搭飞机？

为什么我没有能力去实现那么简单的梦？

真的是一个很简单的梦。槟岛，太阳，沙滩。

绊脚石，拜托。。不要挡路可以吗？:'(

求救

原来，心情低落的时候会让人茶饭不思，夜难安寝。 

我以为我可以不顾一切，潇洒自如。但是我不能。

为什么？

为什么？ 

为什么？

我很讨厌现在的自己。自卑，堕落，无助。请我赶快恢复那个傲慢的状态吧！

我

友人说我讲话太直，一针见血。说我该改。 

我相信自己不是一个无法接受别人意见的人。友人的话，我都懂。可我不觉得我有必要做的那么哗众取宠。我就是我。 

我总觉得在工作岗位上，问题不出在我直不直接，而是你的接受能力有多大。 既然问了别人对你的的作品有何意见，就应该抛开私人恩怨，用一颗好学的心去倾听别人的意见。这些都是我一厢情愿的想法。很明显，行不通。因为人家想听的，根本不是我的指点批评，而是。。。安慰，和一些钻牛角尖的话。抱歉，我误懂了你们所要听的“意见”。 

直接是我的个性，尤其越熟的人，我越不客气。我不会戒掉，但我会试着改善。 接受不了的人，我。。。。不懂。

梦想

常常听到人家说我的梦想是什么什么的。我，有梦想吗？

其实，我很担心自己。我没有什么人生目标。只要天天过得快乐我就心满意足了。但，快乐是如此的抽象。所以，我想，快乐因该不是梦想吧。

最进看到有位学姐solo travel。唤醒了我小时候的梦想。原来，我的梦想是一个人去旅行！这个梦想一直存在，只不过随着时间流逝，我也渐渐忘了。

一个人旅行，不是因为喜欢寂寞。只不过很像抛开朋友，抛开家人，真正的在世界的另一个角落重新发现自己。

天啊，在我还没不如人生的另一个阶段，请让我有实现梦想的一天吧。

癖好

1。铁汤匙
2。壁钟
3。外套
4。红
5。苹果配淡奶
6。黑白
7。睡地板
8。盖被
9。冰块配辛辣
10。右小指常常微微跳起
11。讨厌ring－binding
12。蕃薯
13。4寸高跟鞋
14。冷天吃冰淇淋

贪

我很贪心。我知道。

可是如果没有贪念，我就不是我了。

因为贪心，我追梦。

因为贪心，我期待。

因为贪心，我反抗。

我的贪念很厉害。它是我的推动力。但此外，它也有足够的能力杀掉我。

关心？

为什么你这样？

你怎么还不回？

为什么一定是你？

为什么？

为什么？


你说，这是“关心”，是“在乎”。

但我说，这是“压力“，是”不明白事理“。


有时候，我们常常用”关心“这两个字来美化那种强迫的个性。明明开口出处逼人，却还浑然不知，以为那些都是关心。

我们曾想过吗？我们的关心是出于站在他人的立场想，还是只是我们发挥自己的智慧的right timing？ 所谓的关心应该是先体谅他人为何会这么做先，才用温和的语气提问。 那种让人有压迫感的语气这么可能算得上关心？ 我不理解。也无法体谅。

我正在想，如果我跟一个人说我很难过，反倒而来是他的逼问，那可不是两倍的难过。那倒不如我自己一个人难过就好了。

我身边已经有许多这种人了。如果连你也变成这样，那只会让我觉得你很多余。你懂吗？

寂

因为很寂寞，
所以更希望有更多更多的钱可以填满孤寂。

那至少伤痛可以暂时的离去。

老朋友

时间追着追着，而我浑然未觉的失去了好多好多朋友。

小学朋友，中学朋友，大学朋友。

我开始质疑我，到底忙了什么出来？

学业上不见得闯出一片天，也不见得成功的成为家里所期望的“好女儿”，更不见得成为朋友门的。。好朋友。

我，怎么了。



身为朋友的我，难免会吃醋。我想我已吃了很多。

不是要阻止朋友们得到幸福，
而是只不过想得到多一点的关心，想知道多一点他们的状况，想多几个肩膀可以靠。。

难过的时候，希望有个朋友在我身旁对我说，“哭吧，朋友！”
开心的时候，会想晚上在 fb 跟她或他分享我的快乐。更加希望，我的快乐在他们的眼里不是炫耀，而是很快乐的快乐。



朋友，你好吗？我好想念你。听说，你已有喜欢的人。见面时，你也没提起。是何时开始你，不再跟我聊这些了？

朋友，你病好了吗？你现在幸福吗？你不说，我也感觉到。他们给你的愉快，是我给不到的。在远方的我真心的祝福你永远都能这么快乐。

朋友，你。。应该还记得我吧？我知道你现在活在如此多彩缤纷的世界里。但也希望你在七彩中仍然记得黑色的我。

朋友，我们的尴尬何时才能破冰啊？

朋友，。。。

Sinful escape

After undergoing unnecessary depression last few days, I finally get the chance to scream out loud!

Yes, I know. It's final. It's final. Godamnit, it's final! But I can't move on as I am so stuck. So I decided to get out from the town to somewhere to have some fun. Best choice, Genting Highlands. Reason #1. It's cold. Reason #2. High chance to release stress.

See. I was so happy.

My beloved sayang that brought me to Genting on working day. <3

Why did I say it was sinful? First, I eat more than I play. Yongtaufoo.zibaogai.waffle.baskinrobbin.assamlaksa.starbucks.cottoncandy.chipster

As you can see, those are all oily+high calories foods. Who cares?

High sugar level.

Can't have enough of Starbucks.

For the first time in my life, I overcome my fear. I had roller coaster & pirates ship. Weird thing is that I don't feel dizzy or nauseous after the rides. Instead, my love is the one that got dizzy. Hahahaha~~~ (bangganess)

Starting from today, it will be rush-rush-rushing work everyday! Wish me luck!! Adios!

已经好几天了。

阳光不懂躲到哪儿去。我的世界被困在黑暗里。

心里仿佛住着一把刀，一直刺，一直刺。

如果可以的话，我现在就想逃。我可以逃吗？

煎熬～

罪

上天，请原谅我犯下的罪。

有些话还是得明说。

感恩。

痕

你 害了多少人

背负着你留下的伤痕

度过青春岁月

无助的朋友

你们听说过 "a friend in need is a friend indeed" 吗？

说着，在你最无助的时候伸出援手的是最真心的朋友。

但是如果说，这位真心的朋友很想伸出援手，可无助的朋友却不想接受，那该怎么办？

眼睁睁看着她在角落无助，却固执的不想接受任何人的帮忙，我忍不住对她的态度感到倦了，烦了。

坏了～

untitled 2

One thing I learn about life is, you gotta have someone that listens to you. It sickens me a lot when I feel no one is willing to listen to me when I am talking something seriously. It disgusts me even more when I am pouring my deep-side soul, and yet, people around don't give a damn. Gratefully, I still have friends who are willing to lend me their ears, and let me spit out my problems. And gratefully (x2), to have friends who are willing to motivate, love and care for me. A simple "you can do it" means so much to people. It doesn't cost you a cent to say that. Why would people want to be so stingy of those words? Come to talk about having different interests with people around, why would you want to disagree with something that your friends like so much? Just be OK with it, people. You don't have to show that disgusted face which really turn people off so much? Brrrr

Define yourself

昨天看了一篇文章。说着，不用为自己的成功而感到愧疚。杀那间，脑袋里出现身边的很多人，还有自己。常常因为在某些地方，发挥的比人好，而感到paise。其实真的很不酷～ 为何要感到愧疚？成功是努力而来的。辛辛苦苦努力出来的成果，成功是应该的。如果没有成功，也ok。反正人活着，只要努力，一定会有出头天。

除此之外，失败的人也不应该讨厌成功的人。妈的，成功人又没有得罪你。就因为人家考得比你好，有钱过你，长得比你漂亮，就得变成你讨厌的对象。西北幼稚。 看不下去人家成功，你就得多加把力咯。

而很努力很努力又一直失败的人，不要看到比你厉害的人而感到害怕。真正的努力不是避开厉害的人来忘记自己的弱点，而是更加接近厉害的人，从他们身上学习。尤其是在读书的时候，跟老师讨教是应该的。（反正都给了学费。就够够力的用尽它吧～）即使被老师／朋友嘲笑，it's okay。笑就笑。有学到东西就好了。好比自己躲在房里，懊恼下一步该怎么走。

在这个社会中，若要过得快乐，就要学会了解自己。突破自己的弱点，加强自己的优点，要往前爬，时不时也要往后看，看看自己进步了多少。

Define yourself.

p/s: 近期一直在想办法改造型。会是一个很漫长的evolution。

untitled

I am not a good lover. I never admitted that I am one. The fact is that, I wasn't born to be one.

I was so much a heartbreaker even since I had an inexplicable first love, like what most people had. I know it's a bad idea to put the blame on that one relationship. But the start is always the one that took the most emotions and left the deepest cut.

Since then, I had always been lost in love. Of course I am not too dumb to realize that at most time, I am the one who broke the other's heart. Somehow, I don't find myself wrong to be so honest to them because I was honest to myself. I can't live in a life that doesn't belong to me.

Speaking about freedom, I'd always lived under my parents' supervision. Food I eat, clothes I wear, the language I speak, and even, my hobby, has to be approved by them. It weren't that bad you see. Everything was guaranteed. I never got to know bad friends as I barely even mixed with people out of my school/tuition/college. Cons, I don't really know the right way to communicate. Worst is, I've no guts to face the world on my own due to over-dependence on family.

Back to the topic, as I lived under such conditions, I hunger more for freedom. At least, the freedom of thoughts. I don't mind to be the bad one in the relationship. But I really mind if I can't think the way I want it to be. How many more decades I can live in this world, living the way I want it to be? There were too many things that I've missed out during the past two decades. Duh, of course I'm not regretting about not making a change earlier. All I want is to slowly gain my freedom from now on. I have this bad+immoral 'habit' where I care less about how others feel. It's a habit that I want to get rid off. But I don't get to be selfish much when I was at home. I want to feel myself when I am out there even though I know I won't be likable when I do that. But when I was out of home, those selfishnesses drained me up. I couldn't even find a hole to dig into.

There's no conclusion for this. Just some rantings that needed to be spitted out.

Because it has all to do with money

When I was young, I always say happiness first. Money second. Easy to say, but hard to keep the promise.

As we grow up, we see the value of things. Every luxury has everything to do with money.

You buy stuff with money.

You buy time with money.

You buy people's heart with money.

The world is so tough. When you own something better, or possess a higher class, people look at you in a different way. Totally feel it when I just bought my Mac recently. It's like when you buy a Mac, you are of a higher status in the society. That's stereotype. This is the reason why I can't blame people for being so in love with money because with money, you earn adoration or maybe self-esteem. Even though I don't really like the idea of judging someone by something he/she owns, but ironically, that's the fact.

Come to think of it. We neither need an iPad or and iPhone. Many bought it just to gain approval from the society(or just to show off?). To me, it's silly to read from an iPad. People who love reading will understand why. And iPhone, despite the fact that it has the highest radiation level among all the smart phones, people just don't care. Having a status in the society is more important than their health(I think).

Sickening world we are living in. People no more talk with heart. Instead, they talk with money. Gahh~~ That's so lousy.

如果人生如戏

因为暑假的关系，连续看了三部连续剧。

看这些连续剧时都会很迷这些如此梦幻的故事。男主角一定很帅，不然就很厉害，不然就很有钱。女的，或许可爱，或许漂亮，但是好像都不会太聪明。要有点笨笨的，才可爱一些。

啊~连续剧把人生说的太简单了。

人生，怎么就只有那几位好友。

又怎么只有爸爸妈妈的烦恼。（现实中，其实有很多三姑六婆，左邻右舍，亲朋好友，哩哩啦啦）

又怎么会有“真相大白”。

又怎么只有那些用十只手指可以数得完的烦恼~

真正的人生有太多太多的插曲了。

真相太难找得出了。找到的话就真的是奇迹。（看看政治就懂了）

朋友太多。每个的感受都得顾虑。

对电脑的时间多过对任何东西。所以，所有的戏剧都只能在msn或facebook里发生。

说了这么多，其实，我是羡慕连续剧的剧情罢了。

多么简单。

唉~ 重点还是，真相一定会大白的！

为什么我们的现实生活不能简单一些呢。。