Miss Sunshine Says...

梦想

2012-03-17T00:49:00.002+08:00

常常听到人家说我的梦想是什么什么的。我，有梦想吗？

其实，我很担心自己。我没有什么人生目标。只要天天过得快乐我就心满意足了。但，快乐是如此的抽象。所以，我想，快乐因该不是梦想吧。

最进看到有位学姐solo travel。唤醒了我小时候的梦想。原来，我的梦想是一个人去旅行！这个梦想一直存在，只不过随着时间流逝，我也渐渐忘了。

一个人旅行，不是因为喜欢寂寞。只不过很像抛开朋友，抛开家人，真正的在世界的另一个角落重新发现自己。

天啊，在我还没不如人生的另一个阶段，请让我有实现梦想的一天吧。

癖好

2012-03-15T00:20:00.004+08:00

1。铁汤匙
2。壁钟
3。外套
4。红
5。苹果配淡奶
6。黑白
7。睡地板
8。盖被
9。冰块配辛辣
10。右小指常常微微跳起
11。讨厌ring－binding
12。蕃薯
13。4寸高跟鞋
14。冷天吃冰淇淋

贪

2012-03-08T00:58:00.003+08:00

我很贪心。我知道。

可是如果没有贪念，我就不是我了。

因为贪心，我追梦。

因为贪心，我期待。

因为贪心，我反抗。

我的贪念很厉害。它是我的推动力。但此外，它也有足够的能力杀掉我。

关心？

2012-03-08T00:39:00.003+08:00

为什么你这样？

你怎么还不回？

为什么一定是你？

为什么？

为什么？

你说，这是“关心”，是“在乎”。

但我说，这是“压力“，是”不明白事理“。

有时候，我们常常用”关心“这两个字来美化那种强迫的个性。明明开口出处逼人，却还浑然不知，以为那些都是关心。

我们曾想过吗？我们的关心是出于站在他人的立场想，还是只是我们发挥自己的智慧的right timing？所谓的关心应该是先体谅他人为何会这么做先，才用温和的语气提问。那种让人有压迫感的语气这么可能算得上关心？我不理解。也无法体谅。

我正在想，如果我跟一个人说我很难过，反倒而来是他的逼问，那可不是两倍的难过。那倒不如我自己一个人难过就好了。

我身边已经有许多这种人了。如果连你也变成这样，那只会让我觉得你很多余。你懂吗？

寂

2011-12-21T19:48:00.001+08:00

因为很寂寞，
所以更希望有更多更多的钱可以填满孤寂。

那至少伤痛可以暂时的离去。

老朋友

2011-12-21T18:21:00.003+08:00

时间追着追着，而我浑然未觉的失去了好多好多朋友。

小学朋友，中学朋友，大学朋友。

我开始质疑我，到底忙了什么出来？

学业上不见得闯出一片天，也不见得成功的成为家里所期望的“好女儿”，更不见得成为朋友门的。。好朋友。

我，怎么了。

身为朋友的我，难免会吃醋。我想我已吃了很多。

不是要阻止朋友们得到幸福，
而是只不过想得到多一点的关心，想知道多一点他们的状况，想多几个肩膀可以靠。。

难过的时候，希望有个朋友在我身旁对我说，“哭吧，朋友！”
开心的时候，会想晚上在 fb 跟她或他分享我的快乐。更加希望，我的快乐在他们的眼里不是炫耀，而是很快乐的快乐。

朋友，你好吗？我好想念你。听说，你已有喜欢的人。见面时，你也没提起。是何时开始你，不再跟我聊这些了？

朋友，你病好了吗？你现在幸福吗？你不说，我也感觉到。他们给你的愉快，是我给不到的。在远方的我真心的祝福你永远都能这么快乐。

朋友，你。。应该还记得我吧？我知道你现在活在如此多彩缤纷的世界里。但也希望你在七彩中仍然记得黑色的我。

朋友，我们的尴尬何时才能破冰啊？

朋友，。。。

Sinful escape

2011-11-19T21:30:00.006+08:00

After undergoing unnecessary depression last few days, I finally get the chance to scream out loud!

Yes, I know. It's final. It's final. Godamnit, it's final! But I can't move on as I am so stuck. So I decided to get out from the town to somewhere to have some fun. Best choice, Genting Highlands. Reason #1. It's cold. Reason #2. High chance to release stress.

See. I was so happy.

My beloved sayang that brought me to Genting on working day. <3

Why did I say it was sinful? First, I eat more than I play. Yongtaufoo.zibaogai.waffle.baskinrobbin.assamlaksa.starbucks.cottoncandy.chipster

As you can see, those are all oily+high calories foods. Who cares?

High sugar level.

Can't have enough of Starbucks.

For the first time in my life, I overcome my fear. I had roller coaster & pirates ship. Weird thing is that I don't feel dizzy or nauseous after the rides. Instead, my love is the one that got dizzy. Hahahaha~~~ (bangganess)

Starting from today, it will be rush-rush-rushing work everyday! Wish me luck!! Adios!

2011-11-15T19:28:00.002+08:00

已经好几天了。

阳光不懂躲到哪儿去。我的世界被困在黑暗里。

心里仿佛住着一把刀，一直刺，一直刺。

如果可以的话，我现在就想逃。我可以逃吗？

煎熬～

罪

2011-11-15T01:09:00.002+08:00

上天，请原谅我犯下的罪。

有些话还是得明说。

感恩。

痕

2011-11-14T20:46:00.005+08:00

你害了多少人

背负着你留下的伤痕

度过青春岁月

无助的朋友

2011-11-11T19:38:00.003+08:00

你们听说过 "a friend in need is a friend indeed" 吗？

说着，在你最无助的时候伸出援手的是最真心的朋友。

但是如果说，这位真心的朋友很想伸出援手，可无助的朋友却不想接受，那该怎么办？

眼睁睁看着她在角落无助，却固执的不想接受任何人的帮忙，我忍不住对她的态度感到倦了，烦了。

坏了～

untitled 2

2011-10-05T13:11:00.005+08:00

One thing I learn about life is, you gotta have someone that listens to you. It sickens me a lot when I feel no one is willing to listen to me when I am talking something seriously. It disgusts me even more when I am pouring my deep-side soul, and yet, people around don't give a damn. Gratefully, I still have friends who are willing to lend me their ears, and let me spit out my problems. And gratefully (x2), to have friends who are willing to motivate, love and care for me. A simple "you can do it" means so much to people. It doesn't cost you a cent to say that. Why would people want to be so stingy of those words? Come to talk about having different interests with people around, why would you want to disagree with something that your friends like so much? Just be OK with it, people. You don't have to show that disgusted face which really turn people off so much? Brrrr

Define yourself

2011-09-18T14:31:00.002+08:00

昨天看了一篇文章。说着，不用为自己的成功而感到愧疚。杀那间，脑袋里出现身边的很多人，还有自己。常常因为在某些地方，发挥的比人好，而感到paise。其实真的很不酷～为何要感到愧疚？成功是努力而来的。辛辛苦苦努力出来的成果，成功是应该的。如果没有成功，也ok。反正人活着，只要努力，一定会有出头天。

除此之外，失败的人也不应该讨厌成功的人。妈的，成功人又没有得罪你。就因为人家考得比你好，有钱过你，长得比你漂亮，就得变成你讨厌的对象。西北幼稚。看不下去人家成功，你就得多加把力咯。

而很努力很努力又一直失败的人，不要看到比你厉害的人而感到害怕。真正的努力不是避开厉害的人来忘记自己的弱点，而是更加接近厉害的人，从他们身上学习。尤其是在读书的时候，跟老师讨教是应该的。（反正都给了学费。就够够力的用尽它吧～）即使被老师／朋友嘲笑，it's okay。笑就笑。有学到东西就好了。好比自己躲在房里，懊恼下一步该怎么走。

在这个社会中，若要过得快乐，就要学会了解自己。突破自己的弱点，加强自己的优点，要往前爬，时不时也要往后看，看看自己进步了多少。

Define yourself.

p/s: 近期一直在想办法改造型。会是一个很漫长的evolution。

untitled

2011-09-18T00:52:00.003+08:00

I am not a good lover. I never admitted that I am one. The fact is that, I wasn't born to be one.

I was so much a heartbreaker even since I had an inexplicable first love, like what most people had. I know it's a bad idea to put the blame on that one relationship. But the start is always the one that took the most emotions and left the deepest cut.

Since then, I had always been lost in love. Of course I am not too dumb to realize that at most time, I am the one who broke the other's heart. Somehow, I don't find myself wrong to be so honest to them because I was honest to myself. I can't live in a life that doesn't belong to me.

Speaking about freedom, I'd always lived under my parents' supervision. Food I eat, clothes I wear, the language I speak, and even, my hobby, has to be approved by them. It weren't that bad you see. Everything was guaranteed. I never got to know bad friends as I barely even mixed with people out of my school/tuition/college. Cons, I don't really know the right way to communicate. Worst is, I've no guts to face the world on my own due to over-dependence on family.

Back to the topic, as I lived under such conditions, I hunger more for freedom. At least, the freedom of thoughts. I don't mind to be the bad one in the relationship. But I really mind if I can't think the way I want it to be. How many more decades I can live in this world, living the way I want it to be? There were too many things that I've missed out during the past two decades. Duh, of course I'm not regretting about not making a change earlier. All I want is to slowly gain my freedom from now on. I have this bad+immoral 'habit' where I care less about how others feel. It's a habit that I want to get rid off. But I don't get to be selfish much when I was at home. I want to feel myself when I am out there even though I know I won't be likable when I do that. But when I was out of home, those selfishnesses drained me up. I couldn't even find a hole to dig into.

There's no conclusion for this. Just some rantings that needed to be spitted out.

Because it has all to do with money

2011-09-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

When I was young, I always say happiness first. Money second. Easy to say, but hard to keep the promise.

As we grow up, we see the value of things. Every luxury has everything to do with money.

You buy stuff with money.

You buy time with money.

You buy people's heart with money.

The world is so tough. When you own something better, or possess a higher class, people look at you in a different way. Totally feel it when I just bought my Mac recently. It's like when you buy a Mac, you are of a higher status in the society. That's stereotype. This is the reason why I can't blame people for being so in love with money because with money, you earn adoration or maybe self-esteem. Even though I don't really like the idea of judging someone by something he/she owns, but ironically, that's the fact.

Come to think of it. We neither need an iPad or and iPhone. Many bought it just to gain approval from the society(or just to show off?). To me, it's silly to read from an iPad. People who love reading will understand why. And iPhone, despite the fact that it has the highest radiation level among all the smart phones, people just don't care. Having a status in the society is more important than their health(I think).

Sickening world we are living in. People no more talk with heart. Instead, they talk with money. Gahh~~ That's so lousy.

如果人生如戏

2011-08-23T22:45:00.002+08:00

因为暑假的关系，连续看了三部连续剧。

看这些连续剧时都会很迷这些如此梦幻的故事。男主角一定很帅，不然就很厉害，不然就很有钱。女的，或许可爱，或许漂亮，但是好像都不会太聪明。要有点笨笨的，才可爱一些。

啊~连续剧把人生说的太简单了。

人生，怎么就只有那几位好友。

又怎么只有爸爸妈妈的烦恼。（现实中，其实有很多三姑六婆，左邻右舍，亲朋好友，哩哩啦啦）

又怎么会有“真相大白”。

又怎么只有那些用十只手指可以数得完的烦恼~

真正的人生有太多太多的插曲了。

真相太难找得出了。找到的话就真的是奇迹。（看看政治就懂了）

朋友太多。每个的感受都得顾虑。

对电脑的时间多过对任何东西。所以，所有的戏剧都只能在msn或facebook里发生。

说了这么多，其实，我是羡慕连续剧的剧情罢了。

多么简单。

唉~ 重点还是，真相一定会大白的！

为什么我们的现实生活不能简单一些呢。。

隐形的翅膀

2011-08-22T18:08:00.002+08:00

一天一天的长大，就会越来越想念中学的时光。

以前，每天都过得很充实。泰拳道和赛跑，曾经是我生命的一部分。

到了大学，紧迫的步伐让我渐渐的失去了自由。有功课时就拼命做。有时间就睡觉，偷懒，休息。真的真的不会想去运动。

好了。读大学都已2年多了。

终于，

我受不了了！

每天就只动了几下脚。手也只不过按了数万次的mouse。难道做设计师就只能按mouse过日子吗？（tmd)

今天，终于下定决心，一定一定一定一定要去运动！

我要跑步去！！！！

对！这样就对了！奔跑时不经意的漏出微笑。虽然双脚踩着地，但是感觉就像飞一样。好久没有这么开心了。这种快感是无可代替的~

活在我体内的懒虫，你们通通都等着死掉吧！

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

完毕~

光光想想之。。。晚安的诗意

2011-07-25T18:43:00.004+08:00

某天从电台听见这首歌，吓倒我。林宥嘉在选歌方面果然还是一如往常的大胆。

因为是主打，所以电台会一直播，一直播，播到我家人一听就转台。友人还说，听了就想睡觉。都说了是晚安。如果真能让你睡觉，那就代表这首歌，成功了！

在这儿要推介我近来极度喜爱的《晚安》。看看武雄老师如何将晚安写得如此幽美。

有关太阳升起，早安，起床，等等。。首首让人对新的一天抱着positivism 的歌已经变成一种cliche了。是时候来首conclusion-of-the-day 的歌了——晚安。

作词：武雄

天空白着夜晚

城市一片灯火扰乱

风吹过看不见的天堂

是谁还在忙碌地追赶

晚安让记忆松绑

忘掉所有痛苦悲伤

让所有听不见的呐喊

随着黑夜一起埋葬

月亮在你心坎

可曾把你的梦点燃

心疼你每一步的成长

擦乾眼泪变得更勇敢

晚安卸下了翅膀

轻轻打开梦里的窗

路尽管依然会有阻挡

让我陪你一起飞翔

梦想去的地方

因为不变所以简单

爱如果早已经被遗忘

我的歌声不会有伤感

晚安静静地安躺

躺在可以放心的床

夜因为有了梦才宽敞

因为有你所以温暖

-------

光光最爱的一句：

晚安让记忆松绑
忘掉所有痛苦悲伤

光光想想之。。。友人

2011-07-25T00:27:00.003+08:00

光光的好友有好几种。

（一）Close Friend

所谓的亲密朋友，通常都是身边的琐碎人物。像是，一定会同组的，一定会同班的，一定会碰面的。因为见面的几率极高，所以就会变得特别亲密。

缺点：因为常常见面，就会导致大家太了解彼此。当你太过了解一个人的时候，常常就会出现一些忍无可忍的时候。

有点：因为常常见面，所以他们都是陪伴你度过无数的难关，无数的快乐时光。回头一望，哇！原来我的回忆都装满了这班人！

（二）Best friend

好朋友。得空出来喝茶。谈心事。谈家事。谈工事。谈，谈，谈。。。什么都谈。可以谈到翻天覆地。哦！这就是我的好朋友。就是什么都不用避忌的谈谈谈！我好爱这班朋友。因为我实在太爱讲话了。叫我不说话，实在是太难为我了。

（三）Soul friend

心灵上的朋友，所来也真神奇。当你难过的不得了的时候，他们会无端端pop出来关心你。很奇怪，但也很温暖。这种朋友就是那些当你跌入谷里，手上还有电话，电话还有电，还收到电讯的时候，还会想到拨通电话求救的那些人了。这些人，可能你一生也碰不到。但是，我碰到了。而且，还不少。*感谢上帝*

什么种类的朋友都无所谓。反正在我生命里都占了很重要的地位。没有你们，我是我么？

*感恩*

如果我变成回忆

2011-07-24T19:42:00.003+08:00

如果有哪天，我比我家人更早离开这个世界，我希望他们能够读这篇文章。

献给我至爱的家人，

我要的爱，

不是金钱。

也不是时间。

我要的爱，

是在我最辛苦的时候，拍拍我的肩旁，跟我说“孩子，加油啊！”

我要的爱，

是在我很努力，却考不好的时候告诉我，“努力过就好了！”

我要的爱，

是在我最无助的时候，站在我这儿，帮我一把，挺我到底。再一句，“别怕。我们都在！”

这，就是我要的爱。

我真的有那么贪心吗？

只要一句加油，我就会有无限的力量，继续走下去。

只要一句“你都没努力读书！”，我就会痛侧心扉。因为，我真的很爱你们。所以也很在意你们对我的看法。

起身，吃饭，上课，放学，赶功课，睡觉；一切一切都是为了梦想前进。虽然老师都说，我们来这儿，都是为了学习，不是为了成绩。但是，你们都抱着期望，希望我能关关都考得优等。所以，无形的压力一直压迫着我。一方想，努力就好了。一方又想，真不希望让你们失望。这种感受，你们又何了解么？

在外面吃多少痛苦，都不够你们对我的否定来的痛苦。你们懂吗？

现在，我也只能够期望你们的醒觉。

感谢老天赐给我力量，继续走下去。

无论如何，我绝不轻生。

光光想想之。。。帮还是不帮？

2011-07-18T23:51:00.004+08:00

人人要人帮，无人要帮人。

有人要帮人，无人需他帮。

说的就是生活上种种很奇妙的东西。

围绕在竞争力还算强的环境下，大家都想尽快到达目的地。所以，一旦有问题，就会问A，问B，问C。

A会答你，“我也不知道叻。。” （其实知道，但是不可以让别人知道）

B会答你，“我也不知道叻。。” （真的不知道。上课在想下课吃什么）

C会答你，“ok。。我想想看。。” （会很努力很用心的帮你）

A=保护自己

B=无知无罪

C=用心待人

A，B，C 好像都没有错哦。

哦，这只是我想想而已。

光光想想之。。。身边的人

2011-07-18T23:41:00.004+08:00

有些人，初次见面就似曾相识。有些人，见了上千次仍然素昧平生。

最近，看看身边的人。感觉上有点creamy。看起来很美的cream，也只不过是包装上的美。内涵如此虚伪，如此乏味。

最近，也认识了些人。感觉上有点coffee。即熟悉又不会腻。虽然不同的人泡的coffee 有不同的味道，但是那熟悉的味道还是存在的。窝心，窝心。

遗憾

2011-07-09T13:08:00.002+08:00

如果这是遗憾，

遗憾在我们未曾有过任何回忆。

如果这是遗憾，

遗憾在你根本不会感到遗憾。

遗憾的，只有我一个人。

Maze

2011-07-09T12:59:00.002+08:00

The state of being in a maze; you have no idea which turning will lead you to the exit.

You just have to keep walking and making decision that you are unsure of.

You can't just stop moving. It's either you try harder to find the right exit, or you will be stuck in the maze forever.

No one knows you are in the maze, therefore no one will come for rescue. It's you, who is holding the chance of getting out of the maze.

To continue and have hope of getting our of this maze or to stop and wait for the death to arrive?

-----------------------------

Corporate Identity is the maze. I am stuck in the maze, couldn't quite get the right way out. I keep walking and walking, yet finding myself coming back to the same place I am stuck in. I am feared. I am lost. I am desperate to get out of this hell. Yet, there's no solution, except for keep trying. I don't know which way will lead me out to the right exit, and which way will lead me out to the hell.

Having this mere confidence, should I give up, or.... should I just keep chasing pavement?

Opacity? 0%

2011-04-22T11:28:00.001+08:00

How it feels to be transparent?

No, no.. No way to let people understand the state I am in cos no one can understand, except for myself. If the same kind of incident happen on someone else, they will feel the same as I do too.

Let it be. Hide it well. Be the best actor or actress. Life goes on.

Let's talk, not fight

2011-04-10T16:12:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU!

Despite the fact that I really hate listening those two words, I swallowed them.

We always try to get rid of the bad feelings we had when we are unhappy with someone. It's normal, very very normal. But getting rid of bad feelings on the innocents, or even the guilties by scolding FUCK YOU just doesn't solve any problem. It is a sign of immaturity. Hope everyone can calm down before voicing out opinions. In my case, isolating myself and thinking what is the best for all parties work the best for me. What about you?

Return

2011-04-10T16:04:00.002+08:00

I finally returned to my blog, but I don't know if I will just walk away again.

Things hasn't been very well, but still, things hasn't been that bad too. So, there wasn't much thing to talk about.

The more we talk, the more people talk. Rumours, back stabbing, hatred, jealousy; these things are like air, surrounding us, forcing us to sniff it even if we refused to.

*sigh*

Coffee Deprivation Day 2

2011-01-15T11:33:00.003+08:00

I miss my coffee. :/

Day 2 without coffee.

Slight headache, but not as bad as Day 1. Still feels tired. And still couldn't take it off my mind.

Coffee~~~

Coffee Deprivation Day 1

2011-01-14T17:53:00.004+08:00

Coffee has been such my great companion throughout my wonderful mornings, my lazy afternoons and also my sleepless nights. To me, coffee isn't just about keeping me awake. It's an indulgence that is so damn irresistible. I need it, I want it, and I can't stop thinking about it. Some friends even say I take coffee like drug. Uhh.. To be honest, I hate the statement. It's just a kind of addiction that most human has. Some people are addicted to games, some are books, some are ice-cream, some are chocolate, some are movies, etc. In my case, it's coffee.

Despite the love for coffee, I just read an article on the negative effects of high dosage of coffee. It scares me so much that I made up my mind to deprive coffee from my life for a moment (as in... a few days). So many months and years of mom's advice for not taking so much of coffee didn't work. But a simple article on the harm of coffee can change my mind in less than a minute. Uhh..

Okay, let's talk about Day 1. I had morning class on the day, which also means I had to wake up very early to catch the train. At first, it was okay. But when the class started, I already feel very very sleepy. I nearly fell asleep when the lecture went on for so so long, with no break. By lunch time, I felt a slight headache already. Ignore the fact that I was having a headache, I insisted to go for a movie with my friends. After the movie, I felt like lying down on the bed immediately. But I couldn't. When I got home, I tried so hard to hold myself back from the bed. Damn! The bed was so distracting. La-la-la.. I still managed to stay up till 12 something. But I also slept until 11am the morning after.

Blah~~ This is what happens to a person who deprive coffee from her life for a day.

Something's different now

2010-12-26T22:58:00.005+08:00

Finally Christmas means something to me, because of you. ♥

My beloved love. Muahh~

Our Christmas rings. :)

Love the red dress you bought me! Hee~~

Cheers!

Year 2 Sem 2 Aftermath

2010-12-15T21:24:00.002+08:00

Oh well. My most hectic semester is finally over. There are way to much to talk about this semester. In fact, these 3 months make me felt like a year.

Education wise, I have to say I really had learned a lot of stuff in this semester. These guest lecturers are no jokers. They torture students like they don't feel a pain for us at all. They see us stress out, they see us clueless. Yet, they will just stand at a side, watching the students being tortured. If you're looking at this at the negative side, you would say they are crazy, insane, etc. But if we seriously think at the bright side, or even compare the present and the past, damn! So much of difference. I would say I finally know where's my limit. I discovered many potentiality in myself that I have never ever thought of. I got to see the real and fake faces. And I forced myself to put in as much knowledge as possible at the shortest time. It was a challenge. But whether I managed to make it through successfully is another thing. Haha. Yeah. I am indirectly trying to tell you guys, I'm finally defeated. I didn't do well in many subjects. I failed to execute my ideas. But so what? That's not the end of the world. I will still go on with my never-die spirit AKA my kiasu spirit in the coming semester, trying my best to achieve my goal.

Arh.. That's all I wanna talk about here la. Want more information? Please msn me and ajak me out okay.. I damn bloody sien at home now. ==

I will be back soon

2010-11-30T23:48:00.001+08:00

I am having a tough battle right now. Still surviving!

Will be back in a week or two time. :D

When I start to question myself

2010-10-13T20:03:00.002+08:00

One said, success is 99% of perspiration + 1% of luck.

I say, success is 50% of perspiration + 50% of luck.

I would like to put myself as the main subject of this post. No "you", no "we", no "they". Just "I".

I think I had tried my best to manage my time. Best as in BEST!! I tried to balance up the time to do the assignments for EVERY SINGLE subject. I even cut down the time to sleep as more time is spent on experimenting and researching. Yet, sometimes, plans and hard works don't promise a good payback.

I saw people that scored way better than me even though the effort we put on the assignment might be about the same. All I can do is to tell myself, well, well,... maybe, I just don't have the talent. But hey! Come to think of it. I am just a beginner. It's okay to fail for as long as I know what's the mistake I've done. But,.. even though I know what the mistake is, so what? Like as if I know what I should do to correct the mistake. But, but,... (there's always a but) at least, I know what's the mistake I should avoid in future. But, but, but,... this process is way too time consuming. Lee Joe Jian ini orang sangat busy. Cannot afford to fail at this period. (this is the main point)

So, what should I do now? Duh.. I've spent 3 hours and 17 minutes in questioning myself what should I do? what should I do? Now, I shall move on to my next assignment and bury the doubts in hell. Gambateh Lee Joe Jian!!!

Gambateh my dear TOA friends. Let's not let this semester challenge us. But instead, let us work hard to challenge the semester. Hiakkk!!

Everyone is feeling sorry

2010-10-10T10:25:00.002+08:00

It's seriously bad for our college putting us in this situation. This has definitely nothing to do with bad time management. We had been working hard for non-stop. We don't even have sufficient time to rest. Is this what it's supposed to be? Designers don't have to care about their health??? This is rubbish la! TOA must really examine again the way they sort the subjects out.

Lastly, why must we even feel sorry to our health? It's TOA that should be feeling sorry about it. We have tried our best. That's all we can do.

Hello TOA

2010-10-08T23:58:00.002+08:00

Hello TOA!

You mau kita semua mati si kiao kiao??

Saya teramat sangat tired.

Tiap-tiap hari rush rush rush. Tak boleh rest.

Tidur also mimpi assignment. Mimpi tu sangat scary.

Saya mau cabut lari, lari, lari.

Sayang, the departure

2010-09-25T12:41:00.003+08:00

I love to rest my head on your shoulder. It makes me feel safe, it makes me like heaven.

And soon, we will be apart from a distance of sea. I will be missing you all the time and anticipating for your return. ♥

Phobophobia

2010-09-10T16:09:00.002+08:00

Fear of having phobia. That's me. It seems to be a daily thing to remind myself that I should get rid of whatever fear I have because I don't wanna be feared by anything. And yet, the negative consequence is that I became even more fearful of everything. It terrifies me, the fact that I couldn't calm myself down. So serious that I have to keep praying "namo amitabha" to fall asleep, to make myself forget about the anxieties and stress. Even if I managed to fall asleep, in my dream, it's always the things that I am feared of appeared in my dreams. The fear of being punished, being nagged, being scolded, lost of someone/something important, unable to complete my assignments, being harassed, as so on so forth.

Ok. I think I need some therapies. :/

Whenever I start to miss you

2010-09-10T15:56:00.005+08:00

Endorphin deficiency. The state I am in when you're not around.

I have to calm down myself by recalling all the things that you've done for me like how you always try your best to meet up with me, how you tolerate me, how you understand about my curfew, how you always talk to me every single night, how you love me,..... Yes. It's all the love that you've given me that makes me feel safe and calm, like nothing else can make me feel bad when you're around.

Thanks, love. I love you. I always do. ♥

Fear

2010-09-08T17:17:00.002+08:00

This semester started with so many scary stuff. I can foresee how dead I will be in the coming weeks already. Zz.. So far, the subjects are very interesting. But I somehow can feel that I might not have enough time to do the best for all. *sigh* Why do they have to put so many challenging subjects in one semester? Are we even half a robot?

Dreamer Camera Strap Giveaway

2010-09-07T23:28:00.001+08:00

mycakies is giving out this dreamer strap to the lucky winners!! Click here to join!!

相依为命

2010-09-02T22:51:00.002+08:00

有妳在身旁

流浪街头也无所谓。

暖暖

2010-09-02T22:35:00.003+08:00

暖暖的黄昏

心酸

依然是您，是您。

Featured in The One Academy News Archive

2010-08-29T10:52:00.001+08:00

Click here to view!

You

2010-08-25T10:03:00.003+08:00

Never in my life I'd felt this pain before. It's like thorns poking my heart for millions of times and yet, I have no strength to stop them from hurting me.

My heart ached. It still aches now. Tears did not behave well. They came streaming down my face on and on until my pillow was wet. Even when I woke up this morning, it was still so painful for me to live a normal life again. The damage is done. And all I can do now is wait, wait for the wound to heal by its own.

Still, I can't help but to ask; why do you have to put me through this?

.........

3rd Monthsary

2010-08-17T16:13:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, was supposed to be another darn boring day. Since morning, I had been watching dramas; two episodes of Korean drama- Personal Taste, one episode of How I Met Your Mother, and one episode of PS Man. Aiya.. What else I can do right?

By 5 something, I went and played my piano after not touching it for so so long. Suddenly, my love rang me up. I thought he just wanted to talk to me or what. But then, he sounded so suspicious. Hehe. Finally, he told me that he was going to come. I was so excited that I didn't even think of anything else, but him. And, I seriously thought he forgot about our 3rd monthsary as he acted being forgetful just too well. Uhh!

After everything was "clear", he drove to the front of my house. I opened the car door and was shocked by the bouquet of roses. Haha! Can't believe my love is such a romantic person. I love you so much, my dearest sayang! How sweet of him for preparing such a big surprise for me! ♥

Addressed to Ms. Lee Joe Jian. :D

Sayang-menyayangi.. Hehe!

♥

I love the white roses. He said, it means innocent love. :)

Innocent roses for innocent me?? LOL! *shiok sendiri*

Relive my business!

2010-08-15T21:12:00.002+08:00

Hello guys! Don't forget to click on my small little handmade business on the right side of my page. ^^

Thanks.. What a shame

2010-08-10T23:00:00.004+08:00

Finally, my mom gave me money to buy my Nikon D90 DSLR.

The money didn't come easy. I knew. She worked hard in the past few months to earn the money for me to get it. Every piece of note paid for this camera aches my heart. I feel so ashamed of myself. To get me something that I need for my course, I had to put so much burden on my parents. My dream is accomplished because, because and because of my parents. Paying that darn bloody expensive fees, paying that darn expensive camera, giving me extra ++ allowance just because of the shopping temptation in me in the past few months and my carelessness of losing my own wallet last week*,.... those are definitely not the reason I am born in this world.

*I overspent until I spent all my own savings.. Besides, because of my carelessness, my wallet was stolen/lost/dunno what dunno what. Money flies here and there. I was so darn broke. But, because, because and because of my considerate mom who gave me ++ allowance, my financial problem is settled...... I feel so malu now. Why do they have to be responsible on my irresponsibility? This sucks! I sucks!

*ROAR*

I prohibit myself from getting ANY clothes in these few months.

I prohibit myself from eating too much of expensive food (like as if I am born in a DARN BLOODY RICH family).

I prohibit myself from having Starbucks more than once in a week.

YES! I am saying this for real. Slap myself if I break any of these.

The Queen and the Soldier

2010-08-08T11:31:00.002+08:00

The soldier came knocking upon the queen's door
He said, "I am not fighting for you any more"
The queen knew she'd seen his face someplace before
And slowly she let him inside.

He said, "I've watched your palace up here on the hill
And I've wondered who's the woman for whom we all kill
But I am leaving tomorrow and you can do what you will
Only first I am asking you why."

Down in the long narrow hall he was led
Into her rooms with her tapestries red
And she never once took the crown from her head
She asked him there to sit down.

He said, "I see you now, and you are so very young
But I've seen more battles lost than I have battles won
And I've got this intuition, says it's all for your fun
And now will you tell me why?"

The young queen, she fixed him with an arrogant eye
She said, "You won't understand, and you may as well not try"
But her face was a child's, and he thought she would cry
But she closed herself up like a fan.

And she said, "I've swallowed a secret burning thread
It cuts me inside, and often I've bled"
He laid his hand then on top of her head
And he bowed her down to the ground.

"Tell me how hungry are you? How weak you must feel
As you are living here alone, and you are never revealed
But I won't march again on your battlefield"
And he took her to the window to see.

And the sun, it was gold, though the sky, it was gray
And she wanted more than she ever could say
But she knew how it frightened her, and she turned away
And would not look at his face again.

And he said, "I want to live as an honest man
To get all I deserve and to give all I can
And to love a young woman who I don't understand
Your highness, your ways are very strange."

But the crown, it had fallen, and she thought she would break
And she stood there, ashamed of the way her heart ached
She took him to the doorstep and she asked him to wait
She would only be a moment inside.

Out in the distance her order was heard
And the soldier was killed, still waiting for her word
And while the queen went on strangeling in the solitude she preferred
The battle continued on

Another tough week

2010-07-31T22:31:00.004+08:00

*sigh*

This week has been such a tiring one. Not that the assignment load is that heavy. But, I guess it's the domino effect of the previous week's late sleep and stress. Besides, I haven't been feeling good physically, mentally and psychologically for many days already. My body was weak. My mind was tired. And,... uhh.. Many things happened in between. I hate the feeling so much that I pray hard that this will not happen again in future. There's even a second that I thought of ending my life. This is freaking myself out. I don't wanna live in depression anymore. :((

Despite the good progress of my assignments and finals, I still feel emotional and sad. What the hell is wrong with me? *sigh* I feel so conflicted right now. It's like there's many many little things that are arguing in between themselves in my brain right now. The noise is so loud that I felt so deaf and annoyed. I wished I could just press (#) and silent them like how I silent my phone. Is that even possible? *sigh**sigh*

I need Miss Sunshine..Where's Miss Sunshine?? I wish I can find her back. I need her in my life. I don't wanna fake a smile anymore like what I have been doing these days. :'(

Tough but worthy moments

2010-07-24T22:57:00.006+08:00

Uh oh.. Everything is abandoned because of my hectic Year 2 Semester 1. I am currently in the state of fatigue and it's terrifying me. I hate the life I am living now. Things seemed not right. My room is always messy. I have no mood to clear things up. I have no time to chat with my friends.

Uhh.. Well, well.. I guess this is life. If you always stay in our comfortable zone, we will never improve, we will never know what's our limit. In the past few days, I experienced exhaustion to the limit, fell asleep beside the laptop and woke up in the morning in fear, produced work of good quality in the shortest time and participated the Antalis Paper Fantasy tree sculpture exhibition despite The One Academy's heavy workload. I am glad that I managed to go through the tough moments. I shall not be fear of what's coming next. :S

Okay. Here are some photos.

Weee... My dearest love and I in The Secret Garden, One Utama.

My tanned love(lol) and my another love, my tree sculpture. ♥

Here's a group picture of me and my groupmates ,Kwee Shen and Jason.

Happy working with you guys. :D

Love,

Sunshine

Emo shit

2010-07-10T21:57:00.002+08:00

Hello people. Here I am again. It had been a while since I last updated about myself. Now that I realized it wasn't because I have nothing to talk about. It's just... me, escaping from the feelings that I felt. Maybe, I had been deceiving myself a lot in the past few weeks.

I had no idea why. No idea why I feel so conflicted now. The anger, the anxiety and the insecurity crept into my mind and haunted me for so many hours. Breathless. That's what I felt. I needed to talk to someone so badly, yet, I didn't seek for anyone. I heard nothing. I saw nothing. I spoke nothing. The emotional turmoil had overwhelmed me way too much. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I kept telling myself to hold them back.

I hate this feeling. Everyone hates this feeling! Damn this effing world!! Why do human have to suffer in this way?!?

Yes, I am so in love ♥

2010-06-24T10:27:00.003+08:00

I noticed that something is different.

I used to sleep in fear, but not anymore for now.

I used to get mad at people easily, but now not anymore for now.

I used to give myself a lot of stress until I could burst into tears as long I want, but not anymore for now.

I used to be overwhelmed by anxieties, but not anymore for now.

I became a calm, organized and relaxed person. But most importantly, I became a cheerful person.

Was it because of you?

Assignments are to be accomplished, like usual. Classes are to be attended, like usual. But,... I felt happier in the class. I felt so relaxed when I was doing my assignments. Not to say zero stress. Of course I felt the stress. But definitely can't be compared with the stress level that I used to have in the previous semesters.

Hm... It must be you. It surely is. :)

You brighten my days with your ridiculous jokes.

You ease my stress by listening to my complaints(all the time). Lol.

You spoil me by bringing me to restaurants that serve real good food.

etc.etc. (Shhh... cannot list out too many of them. :P)

I love you, KC.

Best buddies

2010-06-17T22:35:00.002+08:00

Ahh.. Introducing my best buddy ever, K.C.!!

♥

Life is... unfair (Yes, yes. Everyone knows that)

2010-06-12T19:06:00.003+08:00

*roar*

This is a so-damn-freaking-boring topic. And yet, I still wanna bring this topic up again. Recently, I could feel that I am like those hardworking nerds who study and spend lotsa time on studies but end up being jealous of those less hardworking ones who can strive for excellence, so easily, so so easily. Like as if they are granted with the magic hand or what so ever. (Just like what we always see from the drama. The cool hero is usually the one that selamba and relax saja. And yet, they are so "geng" ones. That's how the hero draws attention of the girls and at the same time, creates the intense jealousy in other guys' eye. But now, I am not the girl. I am the guy. I am so bloody jealous.) Being envious is good. Being jealous is.... not good. Not at all. So, I am gonna stop myself from being jealous now. Yes, I am gonna stop it. Now. =)

Since I am not granted with the talent, I shall just shuddap and work harder, and harder and harder. Right?

Tuesday without you

2010-06-08T18:33:00.002+08:00

Tuesday without KC:

boring

tedious

blue

moody

sleepy

*roar*

Could be one of the sweetest memories

2010-06-07T10:42:00.003+08:00

...and then I held your arm like it was a pillow.

♥

I love you, KC.

Love,

Sunshine

A day of sleepiness, headache and ... love.

2010-06-05T23:50:00.011+08:00

Hello Saturday! I love Saturdays because it's the day I can see my love for a longer time. So today, we went to Ikea> The Curve> e@Curve>One Utama. Mm.. So tiring, yet satisfying, except that we couldn't find The Secret Garden in One Utama which is located at the upper roof. No wonder it is called The Secret Garden. Hm.. And I hate the fact that I wasn't feeling well. My head started to ache in the afternoon. I don't know why. Not sure if it's the sleepiness that have caused it.

Mm.. One of the plans for today was... to take more photos.

"Take photographs, have fun, have fun."

In the "rainforest" :D

I love this picture so so much.

Lunch in Italiannies. Yummy Parmesan crusted fish and vegetable soup.

Us, in Ikea. :)

Time to spoil my love with ice-creams... :D

In Auntie Juliet's.

So handsome lah.. *drools*

[In Ikea]
KC: (Reading the words on the chalkboard) Daddy, I love you. Mommy, I love you. Aww..
JJ: Should add one more line. KC, I love you. ♥

Love,

Sunshine

Us

2010-06-03T23:54:00.004+08:00

This is not exactly the first time we took photos together. The first was the first time we met, during a photoshoot. The memory is still so vivid in my mind; how I noticed you, how we started talking, and how I left the house we had our photoshoot, thinking that, "Nah..It's impossible." But hey, the present proves my thoughts wrong. It's possible! *smack myself*

I didn't see it coming at all. You and I. You are probably the biggest surprise in my life. More surprising than the excellent results that I have scored in the past. More surprising than winning a lucky draw. I love you, and will always love you. *hugs*

------

Evening in the park. =)

So cute lahh.... *pinches your cheek*

♥

Love,

Sunshine

500 Days of Summer, You and I

2010-05-29T17:40:00.004+08:00

If it weren't because of you, I will like the movie very much.

But it IS because of you. That's why I don't like the movie. Instead, I am deeply in love with the movie.

p/s: Love it so much until I printed so many pictures of the movie to sketch. :P

Love,

Sunshine

When we were looking at the same rainbow at the same time at the same place

2010-05-24T01:44:00.004+08:00

The perfect goodbye.

Love,

Sunshine

Letter II

2010-05-22T23:29:00.004+08:00

Nando's

Kinokuniya Bookstore

New Zealand Natural Ice-cream

Isetan

Parkson

Rock Corner

KLCC park

and...

rainbow!!!

♥

Love,

Sunshine

♥

2010-05-19T09:55:00.005+08:00

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."

-A Walk To Remember-

Love,
Sunshine

Hello first week in TOA

2010-05-18T23:03:00.003+08:00

Hello hello! College has just started for a week.

How am I feeling?

Nothing.

Yeah. I guess I am already used to the idea of having a lot of assignments and projects. As all these are already in my anticipation, I don't feel a thing about the assignments. This can be either good or bad. Good thing is that I don't hate assignments. Bad thing is that I don't like them either. So, this simply indicates that I have somehow lost the passion, a bit. Urgh.. I start to care less about the things happening around me. I wanna be solo all the time (bad idea). *sigh* I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.

One thing I know for sure is that I woke up every morning, with a sweet smile on my face. I keep rolling on my bed because I feel so cosy in the blanket. And, I sleep with a smile on my face too. I haven't ever felt like this in my life. I have never loved sleeping until recently! :D This is crazy. Ahh.. I am crazy!!

It's almost 12 already. But I wanna watch A Walk To Remember tonight!!!!! :P I don't wanna live in regret when my assignments start to pile up to my nose. I shall watch as many movies as I want now, since I am still kinda free. Heehee..

Chaos.

Love,
Sunshine

7 things I dislike most, so far.

2010-05-15T21:01:00.007+08:00

#1 Bookstores without seats

I need to read the book before I buy the book!! (You can still read when you stand wert??) No! I have to sit when I read. :]

#2 Waiting for someone for more than 15 minutes.

5th minute- I am bored.

10th minute- I am tired.

15th minute- I am impatient.

>15th minute- I am SO-GONNA-SCREW-YOU-UP! But, everyone knows I won't. =)

#3 Disturbance at night

I dislike it when neighbours who live behind my house watching TV at night.

I dislike it when my sister comes in and out of my room at night.

I dislike it when my mom calls me to do some stuff when I am in my room at night. I dislike sms-ing at night. (It's a different story when it's midnight. I love sms-ing when it's late night. =P)

#4 Crowd

Crowd is a word to define you-are-so-gonna-sweat-in-there. It limits movements. It limits time. Ughh.. I anti-crowd!!

#5 Plagiarist

Plagiarists shuckss!!

#6 Make-ups

I don't believe make-ups will make someone beautiful eternally. But, there are times that make-ups are kinda necessary. So, I will just say, I dislike putting make-ups, unless there's a need doing so.

#7 Seeing friends emo

Friends emo, saya emo. Bila saya emo, saya apa-apa pun tak boleh buat. Saya hanya mahu jadi orang gila dan menjerit-jerit!! *monkey*

*Haha.. Just for fun! :P

Love,

Sunshine

Letter I

2010-05-15T20:51:00.003+08:00

You have put me through more drama. Yes, you have. But it was an awesome drama. A drama that I have been longing for. For the first time after the many years, the feeling is mutual. Thanks♥.

Love,

Sunshine

Sasa♥

2010-05-15T20:35:00.005+08:00

It was Monday. It was my shopping day. When I was taking an escalator to one floor higher, I saw a kitten on the other side of the escalator. Lost kitten. I took a few seconds, hesitating whether I should bother about the kitten or not. Ahhhh... I have to! I immediately made a U-turn by taking the escalator to the floor where I was previously. I followed the kitten. I saw how people ignored the kitten. Awww!! Pity kitten. Then, this kitten entered a men's underwear shop. That was the time I made a call to a friend of mine who loves cats a lot, more than I do. While waiting for the friend's arrival, I waited outside the shop, observing how would the shopkeeper deal with the kitten. I saw his annoyed face. Ugly, I would say. If I have the guts, I would enter the shop, and smack that shopkeeper's face. I waited and waited. To my surprise, that shopkeeper put that kitten in a shopping bag, and threw it in an exit path. DAMN YOU!!! I looked at the shopkeeper with my eye balls almost popped out and my jaw dropped open. Without thinking much, I entered the exit path and accompanied the kitten until my friend arrived. And,.... yeah! So, this is our cat- Sasa! Weee.....

[She had her front legs both injured yesterday. No one knows why. Silly Sasa must have jumped and fell when no one was around. Sasa, oh, Sasa.. Get well soon yeah!! *love*]

Another drama of my life. ♥

Love,

Sunshine

Too Much

2010-05-13T02:16:00.002+08:00

I probably had gone too far.

Being too nice, being too generous, being too helpful,...... I probably have done all those in a high dose with no self-realization. Now, all these lead me to a horror movie. I never liked horror movies. Disgusting, fearful, and most likely to lead me to insomnia are the definition to horror movies. And now, in am in the movie. To my most dislikement, I am the leading actress in this movie. I feel scared, worried and directionless. I haven't noticed all these while I have been doing things unintentionally which mislead people to something else. *sigh* I feel like escaping now, to somewhere else that no one knows me, and start something new. It's so hard to change when I am already in the situation where people have given me labels. It's like, you are given a label "cat". It's so hard to act like a dog then. UGHHH!! Freaking frustrated!!

Ip Man 2 [and critics on Iron Man 2]

2010-05-11T22:34:00.004+08:00

[If you don't watch this, you are so uncool!]

If I were to use one word to comment about Ip Man 2, it would be stupid because it is way too good that you seriously gotta do a lot of thinking after watching it.

Needless to say, Ip Man's Wing Chun Kung Fu is awesome! It's so much more practical than all those technologies that you see from Transformers and Iron Man. You see real kung fus in Ip Man. But you see a lot more distractions like sexy ladies which didn't relate much to the movie in Transformers and Iron Man. Well, I still have to say I love Scarlett Johansson's character in Iron Man. But Megan Fox in Transformers? Er.... *scratch head* By the way, how come Ivan Vanko, that fella who hated Iron Man so much died so easily? Anyway, did you even get to see how he died?? You only see a building, with a big white spark. Next scene, Ivan Vanko is almost dead. I got my eyes popped out when I saw that. Compare this to Hung Si Fu's battle with Twister. Omg! You can see how hard is it for a hero to die. Well, Ivan Vanko is not a hero, but he should be good enough for a better battle with Iron Man, I thought. Hm...

Besides that, do you get the "OOHM" to choke Twister to death when you see him punching and hitting Hung Si Fu and Ip Man? Damn! At the moment Twister punched on their faces, I have the urge to take the parang dao and split him into two pieces like splitting a big watermelon into two. How come this kind of urge doesn't exist when I watched Iron Man? I don't even feel Iron Man looks exactly like a hero in this sequel. He was drunk. He was out of his sane. Hero? Hm.. I don't know. Not that a hero cannot act like this. But I somehow feel there's a need to maintain a hero values to the audiences. See, people paid watch these kind of hero movies with the expectations to see someone heroic. So, if you were to show something that is opposing what the audiences want, ..... hm? Probably not so cool right? On the other hand, both Ip Man and Hung Si Fu had showed heroic values. Not just heroic values! They managed to impress us with human values. Arghh!! This is bloody cool I tell you. There're so many moral values we can learned from a single movie like this. Isn't this what we call superhero? Okay. We know Ip Man cannot fly like Superman, cannot transform like Transformers, cannot innovate like Iron Man, cannot drive super yao yeng car like Batman,... but, trust me. Ip Man definitely has better stamina than them because he doesn't depend on technologies. Instead, he makes full use of his whole body to be a superhero. Yay! So I honour him a 7-starred batch (literally). :P

After doing all the talking, now it's fair to comment Ip Man 2 with one word.

ONE WORD:

COOL!

Love,

Sunshine

A will, possible?

2010-05-10T21:27:00.003+08:00

There's a thought in my mind, all the time.

I wish to write a will, not when I am old, but now. (Okay. I had been procrastinating that "now" until now and I still hadn't written any. It really takes a lot of time to think about what to write because it's the one and only chance for you to "talk" to the people you want to talk to when you are already dead.)

If I am granted the talent to write and time for isolation, I will write about a story about my life. And this book will be my will for my parents, if only I died earlier than them. They definitely deserve to know more about me and I deserve their understandings as I am their daughter.

What are the things I like, what are the things I dislike, what am I allergic to, who are my friends, who are my favourite teachers and lecturers, who were my exes, where have I been to, what was in my mind when they said something good or bad, ....... I want them to know so badly because I love them so much. I love them, that's why I am willing to wait. I am waiting for the day they finally understand how I feel and tell me, "Girl, I love you." (How nice if this could happen before any of us die.) Some of you must be saying, "CHOI! Why does Joe Jian keep talking about death?" My answer is, there's nothing to be fear about death. One withers, another grows. This is the cycle. And all the cycles make sense; the eco-cycle, the water cycle, and also the bicycle. =D

More update about Ip Man 2 and blah blah blah in the coming post. =)

Of ambivalence

2010-05-08T12:05:00.006+08:00

Here's the lock.

But where's the key?

......

It's always like this. People would hint me something, but refuse to let me know the answer. And the reason is always "it's not something that you wanna hear".

I was angry.

Then I'd l start questioning, because I was curious. But the person would go on insisting that I shouldn't know.

I was confused.

As confused as I am, I'd keep saying things to make the person tell me what it was. But, the person said why do I have to push so hard?

I felt guilty.

Absolutely depressed.

And, blank.

......

What?

2010-05-06T20:06:00.005+08:00

I don't really like to share about my feelings in my blog. This blog is more like a site for me to keep my friends up to date about what I am doing. Mostly are the highlighted ones. But today, I wanna write something, something that's gonna do with my feelings right now.

I knew how much people had put expectation on me. Friends, lecturers, sisters, and.. parents? Frankly speaking, I don't know about parents. When I was calm, I always knew they didn't mean to doubt me. I continued "persuading" myself that their harshness is just their effort to make me a tough person. But, when they really started doubting me, I started to lose my sane and broke down most of the time. I thought I did well enough to make them feel proud of me. In everyone's eyes, I am good! Or maybe better than good. But what are my parents thinking? Haven't I had enough of their screams, shouts, pressures and doubts? I already showed proof. I scored well in all my examinations. And now I start to doubt, whether I am doing all this for myself or just to prove to you that I am good. I am not born to be good. I knew I've tried my best. I knew how hard I have tried. I tried, and tried, and tried. And don't I deserve something better than doubts?

So used to be the one at the top, and that's why it's even harder for me to fall. Stop thinking that superman and superwoman have no feeling. When we break down, the pain we are feeling is just the same as the pain everyone is feeling when they are down.

Love,

Sunshine

2010-05-06T02:15:00.002+08:00

I questioned like an interviewer and he answered like the worst interviewee in this world.

Chalk drawing [sucks]

2010-05-05T23:57:00.006+08:00

Well, well. I haven't been updating my dusty blog for quite some time already. Finally, I have something to talk about! Yay, yay!!

Last Sunday, I went to help my cousin out with the menu board(which is her cabinet as you can see) in her coffee house-Cafelicious which is located at Aman Suria. Hrm... I must have overestimated myself. I thought chalk drawing is an easy peasy job. Yes, I thoughttttt.... It really wasn't as easy as I thought. *bang head* Imagine I had my face so close to the surface I was drawing, and things I had to worry are as below:

1. Chalk dust is flying in the air! Yes, WATCH OUT! You're so gonna to inhale it!!

2. Wait! Didn't I just write a tiny E? How come it still looks big? *bangs head*

3. Caffe Latte, Mochalicious, Caramel Caffe Latte,......

Cousin: Hey, I forgot to tell you something. I changed the "caffe" to "cafe".

Me: *blank stare*

It's obvious, I didn't draw all of them. The first three columns are mine. The last two are my sister's. I just realized we somehow got our personalities switched. I used to be the one drawing cute stuff, and she used to be the one drawing something more realistic. But how come it's the vice versa now? Uhh.. I don't know.

By the way, college is gonna start soon. Soon soon soon.

*smacks head*

Love,

Sunshine

Short compilation

2010-05-01T02:49:00.008+08:00

So far, these are the things that I have done throughout my holiday:

○Became the maid+chef of my house. My mom went to work for a month. And so, everything was all on me! "Awesome"!!

○Met many people that had the power to change my life so much.

○Participated in a shoe painting competition and managed to win the first prize. And... was lucky enough to appear in the newspaper.

○Relocated my blog!

○Had a one-day trip to Genting Highland with college mates- Yee Ping, Soon Lim and Wei Ting.

○Went to Petaling Street for several times to buy textiles and buttons.

○Celebrated Wen Kang's birthday.

○Went to Broga Hill.

○Deeply fell in love with Cheer. ♥

○Met up with high schoolmates and tuition buddy like Sin Dee, Linda, Jo Lin, Mei Shen, Audrey, Teressa, and Daniel.

○Watched Date Night, Kick-Ass, and Ice Kacang Puppy Love.

○Started my small business- Dim Dim's Handmade.

○Blacklisted someone. *YEAH*

○Downloaded more than 100 songs to listen! *still not enough*

○Played piano for many friends, important ones. =)

○Did none of my assignments. *jumping in the air*! ==

Water From the Moon by Celine Dion

2010-04-30T02:19:00.001+08:00

I've reached high up in the sky
Tryin' to steal the stars
Oh to win your heart
But even that's not enough
And I've searched every book I know
Just to find the words
Oh to touch your world and get some love out of you
I've already given all I can give
And I don't know what's left to try
And I try and I try
What do I gotta do

Love,

Sunshine

When Sunshine Met Broga

2010-04-28T17:51:00.009+08:00

Can I say it again? Life is so unpredictable. I have never thought that I will have a chance to climb up to a hill this year. In fact, hiking wasn't something that I will think of even if I was dying for a getaway. This explains why my parents were a bit suspicious and dubious when I said I wanted to go for a hiking session out of a sudden.

So, this hiking spot which is located on the border of Negeri Sembilan and Selangor is named Broga. This place is getting more and more famous in the recent years (there are still many people in our country who loves adventuring the nature okay). I reached the foot of the hill at 6.45 am. Yes, I know I am hell early!! I left home at 5.30 am just for the sake of reaching Broga earlier. My friend and I were very eager to reach the peak and therefore, we didn't take much time on resting in between. We managed to reached the first peak by 7.15 am. Yes, I know I am hell fast!! Lol. By that time, I already could feel the strong contractions in my calf muscles. I must have gone through a tough journey, that's what I thought. Haha!

I spent an hour and a half up there. You must be wondering what the hell can you do at the peak with only grasses and stones. Oh man! You will be so stunned if you see what I saw and hear what I heard. Once my right foot stepped on the flat surface on the peak, I could feel a cool spring breeze caressing my skins. Close your eyes! That's what my brain told me. Damn! It's not just about the sense of touch. Once I closed my eyes, I could hear the whistle of the wind, which sounded nearly like a haunting melody. When it was about 7.45 am, the morning was aflame with the glorious sunrise. The sun spread its ray through the clouds, creating an overwhelming vista. Surrounding the sun was the sky which always had these little fluffy clouds in them. I lied on my back on one of the big rocks, admiring the powerful force of nature. At that moment, I have totally forgotten about my sleepless night, my tiresome, the slippery slope, and what else.. Ughh! There's just nothing that could bother me from watching the beautiful sky. ♥

One of the important things that everyone should do if they go to anywhere with beautiful scenery is to take photos! If you ignore this, you are so going to regret! Here are part of the photos that I managed to shot up there.

Aww.. He is such a loner.

Sunshine, sunshine! =D

This is taken from a temple which is located nearby the hill. (You have no chances to see any staircase in the hill)

In conclusion, I had a very satisfying trip today and I am gonna dream about the magnificent blue sky tonight. =P

Love,

Sunshine

Wen Kang's birthday

2010-04-27T20:29:00.011+08:00

Life, unpredictable. You can't ask the fortune teller to tell you who will be your next best friend. You can only know them under many kind of unexpected conditions, and sometimes you will feel surprised that that person that you know coincidentally could turn out to be your close friend. This is what I feel, not sometimes, but often. So today, I have Wen Kang as the watak utama of this blog post. Lol. I couldn't quite remember how I knew him. The oldest memory I had about him was that he was being screwed up for nothing. After that, I don't know how we started to chat and became closer as time passed by. =)

And yeah! It's his birthday today. I went up to Sunway to celebrate with him. It was a very very very small celebration. I cooked him fried rice and made him a pencil case. First pencil case made for boys. Teehee.

Yummy fried rice!

See. He was so happy!

Pencil case as a mask? =A=

Wuhoo.. I spot a fatty on the bulletin board. (The one on the right side)

Big enough as a birthday cake?

I haven't seen people making wish with fork on his hand. ==

Already can't wait to eat the candle huh?

Yeah.... Makan candle! Sedap tak? Haha

Foamy cappuccino with brown sugar and chocolate powder on its top. They look beautiful, in my eyes at least. =)

Love,

Sunshine

Disguise by Lene Marlin

2010-04-26T01:21:00.005+08:00

Yes, I know, I know. I should be sleeping by 1. But, tonight, I have to break the promise. And I shall forgive myself for breaking it because I really really had to dedicate this song to a dear friend of mine, Johnson. This is for you. It's very meaningful to me and I hope you feel the same way like I do too. ♥

♫Have you ever felt some kind of emptiness inside
You will never measure up, to those people you
Must be strong, can't show them that you're weak
Have you ever told someone something
That's far from the truth
Let them know that you're okay
Just to make them stop
All the wondering, and questions they may have

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Have you ever seen your face,
In a mirror there's a smile
But inside you're just a mess,
You feel far from good
Need to hide, 'cos they'd never understand
Have you ever had this wish, of being
Somewhere else
To let go of your disguise, all your worries too
And from that moment, then you see things clear

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Are you waiting for the day
When your pain will disappear
When you know that it's not true
What they say about you
You could not care less about the things
Surrounding you
Ignoring all the voices from the walls

I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come
I'm okay, I really am now
Just needed some time, to figure things out
Not telling lies, I'll be honest with you
Still we don't know what's yet to come

Still we don't know what's yet to come
Still we don't know what's yet to come ♫

Promise me you will be alright, will you?

Love,

Sunshine

Perfect Sunday

2010-04-25T21:25:00.006+08:00

I woke up in the morning, like any other morning, received an MMS from my friend. It was an MMS with a photo taken from a hiking spot in Selangor (it will take me forever to remember what the place is called) and also a short and sweet message from him. I have to say I love being called Sunshine. The name cheers me up a lot, and I hope it does cheer other people up as well. Then, I had a great breakfast with my dad and my sisters. It was more than awesome to spend time with both my sisters since it had been such a long time since I last met my second sister. After the breakfast, we went to Tesco to get veges (I had been the chef in my house for 3 weeks already. Thank God the kitchen is still not burned down, yet. Lol!). When I was heading to the car park after doing the groceries, I received a call from a friend of mine, telling me that I appeared in the newspaper. I was like, OH MY GOD! My dad drove me to get a copy of The Star newspaper. I quickly flipped to the Education Section and smiled broadly when I saw myself in the press. Okay. To be honest, I was smiling because they actually cropped out my fat arm, leaving my looking good face(perasan) and the shoe I have painted in the photo. Muahahahah!! Okay. After thanking the person who have cropped out the flaws, then only I started reading the content. Er.. That was like the essence of all the craps that I have said during the interview with the copywriter. So, the copywriter did do a good job in summarizing things up. But, I don't know who to blame after my misspelled name!! Oh my gosh! (Of all the possibilities of typo errors, the J in "Jian" is replaced with L, which makes my name turned into Lee Joe Lian) Okay! Enough with the Ah Lian thingy. Pfth! Except for the misspelled name, the whole article looks alright. And, I am glad that many long lost friends noticed me in the newspaper and congratulations SMS and facebook message kept draining it. Wow! I have to say I am really surprised that I am noticed. (I thought I was nobody before this) Thanks to all those who have congratulated me, if any of you do read my blog. Haha!

Well, my day was even perfecter when I got to met up with my ..... "boyfriend"? Haha! Yeah right. Boyfriend! My dear "boyfriend" since secondary school. We met up and had a great talk in Starbucks (again). The best part of the "date" was the movie. We went to watch Date Night. The great thing about the movie was....

1. The cinema was not packed. It actually makes me feel very comfortable to see empty spaces in the box.

2. The storyline of the movie was totally out of my expectation. For the first 20 minutes, I even doubted whether it is seriously a comedy or just another boring comedy. But then, the whole thing turned out to be something that can make me roll the the floor laughing out loud. Oh man! I did embarrass myself for laughing so loud. Was I the only one who get the joke or was I seriously over-reacting over a small joke? Hrm.. I don't know about that. =S

Alright. So this movie deserves the rating of 8.5/10 even though it has nothing to do with high tech stuff. I appreciate the effort that the scriptwriter(s) had put in to make the screenplay so hilarious. =D. So, it was a date with my "boyfriend" watching Date Night. How awesome was that? Haha!

My "boyfriend" doesn't like taking photographs. He is so shy... for nothing. =.=ll But hey, I managed to get his phone into the photo. Lol!

NZN for my dinner? Uhuhu..

I just need a proof, proving that I did watch the movie! Lol.

Yeah, I have got nothing else better to do. Haha!

Tonight was great too, albeit the fact that Miss Sunshine is really really exhausted after the laughter (yes, the laughter consumed almost all my energy I had until I felt my lungs are struggling hard to get sufficient oxygen for me to survive the night). It was a day of wonderful sisters, stunning movie, cool "boyfriend" (Yes, he said he was cool because I was complaining that I was hot. I actually meant I was feeling hot that time. Lol!), sweet friends, and also awesome music that I got to hear at night. ♥

Love,

Sunshine

Wonder photos

2010-04-25T01:23:00.003+08:00

I damn likey this picture. ♥

Button madness!!!!!!!

My very first try on making patterns by photo. And the result was rather satisfying that what I have ever expected. Like this too. ^^

Love,

Sunshine

Full Moon by Cheer

2010-04-21T20:53:00.003+08:00

Breathless.

Love,

Sunshine

Unusually surprised

2010-04-21T13:11:00.007+08:00

Isolation mode had been turned on for a few days. In between this time, I somehow realized how the small occurrences had made a big change in my life. By giving a try, I earned victory. By making a firm decision, I regained my freedom. By being Miss Sunshine, I found gaiety in myself. By knowing someone out of the blue, I got myself into ...... I don't know. I still don't know if it's something that I should be glad about. Everything was not under expectation. Frankly speaking, life hasn't gotten into such surprising state, until recently. I even started to wonder if it's I being so over-reactive or the occurrences are seriously way too surprising.

I am also amazed by how sensitive I can be yesterday. I actually cried when I watch Cheer's concert DVD. Oh damn! I thought I was so silly for being such a cry baby. But no. A friend of mine, too, cried when he watched this concert DVD. I guess it's just the way we love Cheer so much and the way Cheer can stir our emotions, like only she can.

♥Way too overwhelming.

Love,

Sunshine

To be honest?

2010-04-20T22:49:00.001+08:00

"I hate that, I really do, when people use honesty as a cover for cruelty. You take a moral word like honest, stick it next to something mean, and you can almost make an insult sound righteous. And if we're sensitive, we believe those insults. We forget that just because something is honest it is not necessarily the truth."

-Deb Caletti

Nothing will remain the same

2010-04-16T10:33:00.003+08:00

Each time the clock ticks and tocks, human is changing, the world is changing, and the story of every single living thing is changing. Nothing will be just like what it was yesterday. I am so tired of people who keep talking about yesterdays. Not that yesterdays should be forgotten, but, damn! Can't we just move on and let nature takes its course?

I am so sicked of you already. I had enough of your sms, enough of your e-mail, enough of your action without thinking what the consequences are, enough of your disturbance to my friends, enough of all the things you have done and are trying to do! After all the things you have done, what are you actually expecting? You are driving me insane! It's not about hatred. Really, it isn't! Who am I to hate you? I have already told you, I am feared of you! Can't you see what have you already done? You are terrifying me. Not just me, but my other friends too. Have you really thought before you do something? Or all you care is just how you feel? You think consistently saying sorry will do any good? Do you even mean it when you apologize? The day before you were apologizing for disturbing people, and the day after you were disturbing someone else. And what I mean about disturb is that... you have been asking the same questions, to me, to my friends, and who else?? I don't know how many times you want to ask the same questions again and again and again. The answer is already given. The answer is there. You saw it. I bet you do! But, you ignored it and continued asking other people about the same old thing. Can't you just stop bugging me or anyone around me about those questions anymore? And, you still don't understand about time and space. You have said, repeatedly said, that you will give me time. But, did you really give me time? Ask yourself, have you really stop appearing in my life for at least a week? Every few days, I will receive something from you, or news from other people about you. EVERY FEW DAYS!! Dang! You think you are the only one suffering? I am also suffering! And I had enough! I am already tired of the things you are doing. I don't understand you, and I don't want to understand too. I have already said whatever I can to make things crystal clear. If you still wish to remain like what you are now, I am speechless.

Sometimes When We Touch by Olivia

2010-04-16T02:40:00.001+08:00

Love,

Sunshine

Things eventually turned better

2010-04-16T02:07:00.002+08:00

Like expected, misery will eventually leave me. Yeah, it was great to go out to get some fresh air when I was in such a darn mood. At least, I managed to get pessimism out of my brain for a moment. Somehow, when I am all alone again, I can't help but to think of the difference. Yeah, how different human can be. We are all of the same species, but none of us are alike! And the thing that upset me most is always when I thought that that person is somehow one of my kind, he or she just isn't. It wasn't just some things that happened recently. This circumstance had been repeatedly happening in my life. And, the same kind of misery will take place after the realization. And, like expected again, I will then realize the fact that... some things are just impossible, and let everything move on like the way it should.

There are just way too many impossibilities in this stupid stereotypical realistic world. And, if you keep holding it, so tightly that you yourself hardly could breathe, things will not get any better. Instead, things will worsen.

Let me release the despondency in me and embrace the gaiety in my life now. =D

Love,

Sunshine

Love Me by Yiruma

2010-04-15T02:27:00.002+08:00

Love,

Sunshine

Again

2010-04-14T10:15:00.006+08:00

Tears welled up in my eyes. Was it because of the book, or was there some other reasons for that? I don't know. All I knew was I pushed myself so hard to fall asleep. I wanted to stop thinking. I wanted to get all these sucky things out of my mind. For a moment, I felt like getting my brain out of my head, just to make me stop thinking. Sounds stupid, but,.. yeah. Seriously, I haven't been in the state of emotional turmoil for quite some time already. Last night was such a devastating night. This feeling keep haunting me until this morning. I looked into the mirror as I brushed my teeth and realized that I look darn awful. Eye bags were big, as if they are filled up with waters in them. My lips were pale white. I ignored the figure in the mirror and continuing my wash up with my eyes closed.

Will things get better today, I wondered. I can't stay too long in this depressing mode. I seriously hate seeing myself like this! Ughhh!!!

Love,

Sunshine

One of the worst nights, again.

2010-04-14T00:31:00.007+08:00

Once again, I struggled to write about that friend. In fact, I struggled even more tonight.

Everything about you is like a dream. And I am just too afraid to think of the day I will have to wake up from this dream. Oh damn. Why does this fear even exist? I didn't want to think of that small incident that took place, for even then I knew what it portended. *sigh*

Love,

Sunshine

One of the worst nights

2010-04-13T01:25:00.002+08:00

I have always wanted to write about someone, almost every night. I signed in my Blogger, clicked on create new post, and..... struggled. Why is it so hard for me to spit out my thoughts about a person? Or maybe I was in dilemma, whether is it right for me to write about that person down.

Okay... Still nothing! I have been typing and backspacing for 20 minutes. And, I still don't know how to write about that person. And, and, and, I am seriously mad at myself now!

Ughh...Forget about it!

Love,

Sunshine

Elder JJ's birthday

2010-04-12T18:16:00.001+08:00

Okay. This is a late update actually. It was my eldest sister's birthday last week. We celebrated twice, first on the 7th of April and second on the 8th of April. The best thing of the celebrations was obviously food. Lol. Yummy-licious!! =D

Date: 7th of April 2010

Venue: Kissaten, Jaya One, Petaling.

Special thanks to Kynes, Rick and Danny for attending the celebration.

Danny, JJ and PATRICKKKKK!!!

Hearts!

The prince and the princess. Lol.

Weeee lurrvvveeee strawberries!!

♥

Cute!

♥

My 24-year-old sis.

Endless love♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Stop acting cute!!!

Okay. They are sweet. They always are.

Symmetric huh?

Strawberry heaven~~ Hallelujah!

They were actually mimicking some other couples' way of taking photo. LMAO! Okay. It somehow looks nice. Thanks to the photographer, me! Lol!

I know your spaghetti tasted good. Mine was twice as delicious as your okay... Lol!

Wuu... My grilled salmon.

Date: 8th April 2010

Venue: Manhattan Fish Market

It was my dad who brought us there. There were only three of us in the restaurant. How sad right?

Cream. So beautiful yet fattening! ==

Manhattan's garlic bread which taste far better than Pizza Hut's one.

Cutleries.

Sis and I. We don't look alike, do we? Hmm..

So happy with my garlic butter mussels! Taste good! Mm...

That's all for now!

Chaos~

Love,

Sunshine

Just confession

2010-04-11T22:47:00.001+08:00

I've almost forgotten the days I started to build a shield between the others and I. Not very sure about the main reason as well. At first, I didn't bother about the issue. I didn't find it wrong to isolate my stories, my problems and my what-so-ever from other people. After all, I have my right to keep them personal, right? It was only recently that I realized that I have hidden too many things from other people that I started to lose my sincerity to others. I knew I gotta do something before the situation worsens. I seriously don't wanna end up being a faker.

"Every true words that I ever spoke was really deceiving."
-The Last Goodbye, James Morrison.

That was unbelievably true. But not everything that I said was deceiving. Only part of them. Oh man! So, I am actually making a confession now. Well, I guess it's never too late to realize the fact right. I am trying to make a change, and am already putting my best effort on it, by giving the sincerest response to things that are going on around me. True happiness only exists in people who are ingenuous, I assume.

I have a question for myself before I leave. Can I be less sophisticated?

Lol.

Love,

Sunshine

Relocating. Why?

2010-04-11T18:17:00.001+08:00

I have been wondering if I should relocate my blog. I have been making a lot of changes to my old blog such as changing the url (for quite a handful of times already), changing the blog template, changing the blog title, changing the content, changing the arrangements of gadgets, changing changing changinggg... Oh, what else?

Few days back, I have this strong feeling that I gotta dump some of my memories behind. I kept tolerating with things that hold me back. After deep consideration, I finally decided to leave my old blog and start a new blog. I guess that I can stick to this for long. Things look simple and clean now. Fancy stuff just don't fit me for long even though I love fanciness very much. Uh, I can't explain why!

Anyway, I hope the blog url is easily summoned into your mind. Shine Dim Dim. Lmao. There is a reason for that of course. It's just the way I would love to shine, being a Miss Sunshine. Shining dimly, just nice for an evening walk.

Ah.. I guess that's all for my first post. (The word "first" sounds so awkward to me!)

Okay. Chaos.

Love,

Sunshine